Mother's Day Run through the years...

So this year marked the 5th year that I was a mom on Mother's Day. Granted, I wasn't supposed to be a mom the first year, since Sebastian was not due until June, but he had his own agenda, and we went with it. I thought I would include pictures from all the runs we have done now.

The first year, a group of coworkers ran with me. This was truly special and meant a lot that they would come out and support us in such a special run. It was highly emotional since Sebastian was still in the hospital making the most of the NICU units at the time!! I remember reaching the start line and tears were welling up in my eyes. Oh, and this was when my broken leg was still healing, so 5km was the farthest I had been in a very long time!! We stopped by the hospital on the way to the run, and again afterwards. I can't remember for sure, but Sebastian probably weighed around three pounds by the time Mother's Day rolled around and would have been about 6 weeks old, at 34 weeks gestation.




The second year, the weather was a bit rough. It was rainy before the race began (thus the rain cover on the stroller). Sebastian slept for most of the race, and again we just walked the 5km. It was special as he was finishing the race with us, when a year earlier, he was still in the hospital. So it was a real treat to bring him along, plus there was a NICU Grad celebration afterwards, except the weather didn't really cooperate for that one!!



The third year, Sebastian was in a tv promo for the race. It meant a lot to share our story and help promote the race. We wouldn't have him if it wasn't for the NICU staff and what they do, and the money raised at the race buys new equipment for the unit to help the babies get the best possible care, so really, how can we not run!! This year, I ran the 10km, while Jeremy ran the 5km. I played a special list on my ipod of all the songs I listened to back and forth from the hospital. Once again, it was a very emotional run, but in the best way possible. I will never forget the fear I had when we found out how sick Sebastian was and that he was going to be born the day he was. It was such an intense feeling of fear and helplessness. There was nothing we could do to help him, except for hope and pray. Doing the run this year, and listening to all those special songs was a perfect way to celebrate him and how far he has come.

Last year, my friend Cindy was running the Mother's Day run as her first ever 5km. This was a big accomplishment for her and so I ran the 5km with her, Jeremy ran the 5km on his own, and Cindy's mom walked with Cindy's boys. We finished and afterwards we all met up for snacks on the city hall plaza. The boys had a great time racing back and forth across the plaza.




Which brings us to yesterday. This time we had Jessica (Jeremy's sister), and Scott join us. It was nice to have people to run with and Sebastian was beyond excited to share the race with his aunt!! Every year we decorate our shirts with little phrases, "Proud Preemie Mom", "NICU Saved My Son", etc. This year though, was the first year that Sebastian's shirt was a race shirt, since this was the first year he was a registered runner, with a chip for his shoe and everything!! And he did great!! It was very typical four-year-old running. Lots of stop and go, but man, when he's going, he really motors!! He was darting in and out of people, and it was great. His shirt got noticed several times, so that was a good thing too (spreading awareness etc). He had a super time and finished in 50:21. Way to go my little super trooper!! We are soooooooo proud of you!!










And now, we'll look forward to next year. I'm sure Sebastian will be excited to run this special race again. After all, NICU saved his life!! We've been raising money for the race every year except the first year. And to date, have raised over $5000. I'm so grateful to all my family, friends, and coworkers that have supported us over the years. It means a lot that you donate, and I assure you, that the money goes directly to the equipment that is purchased, and the equipment is what is most needed on the unit to help out with the babies. This run gives the unit a chance to get some of the new technology that comes out, like the vein viewers they are buying this year. They even had those on display at the Fitness Fair. Very neat way to see veins so that there aren't any unnecessary pokes when trying to get an IV in (just imagine how small the veins are on babies who weigh less than two pounds!! So thanks again for your support!!

So there you have it. Five runs in a row. Looking forward to the next five!!

Sebastian's first 5km race...

Sebastian is gearing up for his very first ever 5km race at this year's Mother's Day Run. Now, he's done a few races already, the kids race at Disney (200 yards), the Mother's Day kids race (about 100meters), and his longest to date was last year at the Okanagan Marathon where he did the kids race of 1.2km (although preparing for that he ran 41km so that on race day he actually had run a whole marathon). But this year, he wanted to race with me in the Mother's Day run. This race is very special to us because they raise money for Neonatal Intensive Care, and Sebastian was a preemie who made very good use of the NICU unit. I know that we've told his story many times before, but here it is again for anyone new and for anyone just wanting to feel inspired, because believe me, he's an inspiring little guy!! Here's the link to Sebastian's pledge page if you want to make a donation: http://www.eventsonline.ca/cgi-bin/events/forzani_cal/pledge.pl?id=JME1745063




On March 24th, 2006, Sebastian was born into this world via an emergency c-section after an ultrasound revealed he was very sick with fetal hydrops and was likely not going to make it unless he was born that day. We rushed to the hospital and bumped a bunch of other people so he could be born right away. It was such a scary event!! Before that day, I was wondering how in the world I was ever going to deliver a baby, yet on that day, didn't even have time to stress about it, as I was prepped and in surgery so quickly so they could get him out. He was intubated almost immediately and aside from a very brief stop where they held him up so I could see him (thanks Jeremy for asking them to do that), was whisked off to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit at Foothills. This began a whole new world for us. Jeremy headed off to be with the baby while I went to recovery for surgery. I was given a polaroid picture of Sebastian and that was it. My legs were frozen so I couldn't walk to go see him. But he was really too sick for visitors anyways!!

Eventually though, I was taken down by wheelchair (I also had a broken leg you see). I washed my hands and headed into the unit. He was so tiny, weighing only 830 grams (1lb 13oz). And he was hooked up to so many machines. It was really quite scary to see the first time. I believe at one point he had 9 different IVs going. They poked him in the head, arms, legs etc. He was on drugs to paralyze him so he couldn't fight the machines. He was on drugs for pain. He was on a fat drip. He was on drugs to help with his blood pressure, other drugs to help with his heart. When they did rounds it took forever to go through all the stuff that was wrong with him. The list was long. The first weekend they kept adding more machines and switched him from a conventional ventilator to the oscillating one. Then they added nitric oxide. He was at the maximum settings on everything (for example, you can't get more than 100% oxygen). There was nothing else they could do. If he didn't start improving, there was nothing else that could be done. And, miracle of miracles, he did improve, and slowly, they could start changing the medicines and try to wean him off stuff (many of the meds are really not that good for you in terms of side effects etc). At one week old, he suffered a huge set back. He had a bowel perforation. It required emergency surgery and although he'd been weaned off the nitric oxide and oscillating ventilator, he was back on both again. It was a scary day!! After that though, he started improving and when he was 17 days old, I got to hold him for the first time!! I'll never forget when they placed him on my chest and he just snuggled in and slept. After watching him struggle day after day, it was amazing that I finally got to hold him, to touch him, to just be his mom.

He continued the road of a NICU baby. He had ups and downs but slowly grew and a month after he was born weighed one kilogram (2.2lbs). He got to experience a whole new set of milestones. No more bili lights, getting off a ventilator, then getting off the next ventilator, weighing a kilogram, his first dirty diaper, getting the different meds weaned. Getting into an isolette (once he was stable enough to be behind glass), getting out of an isolette (once he was able to hold his temperature), getting off oxygen, being IV free, being feeding tube free, being apnea free for 24 hours, going for his first ambulance ride (moving to PLC, six weeks after he was born). Finally, spending the night alone with his parents and no monitors, and then, taking him home.



It was a long road in the NICU, but he was amazing through the whole thing. He certainly gave us a few scares, but fought on. He was a little super trooper the whole time. He's amazing!! After coming home, he ended up back in the hospital two weeks later for eye surgery and hernia repair surgery. It was scary seeing him intubated again, but two days later, that was done and he was home again. He's had some complications from his early arrival, but for the most part, he is a thriving little four year old. He's sweet, loves to cuddle and loves to run. He loves it, the running. He loves getting out his runners, putting on his Garmin watch, even though he doesn't know what any of the numbers mean, having mini races, pretending to be cars racing down the highway, pretending to be an airplane or HWC1. It's non stop with him and it's just so much fun.



Every day I am so grateful he's with us. I have so much fun hanging out with him. Everything, from building trains to running together, to playing with water or making something in the kitchen. He's got an incredible zest for life and is just curious about everything. His imagination is fantastic and he's a little sweetheart!!

But, it all comes back to the NICU and the fact that without that unit, and the incredible nurses and doctors that work there, he wouldn't be with us today. He was incredibly sick and had a lot to overcome in addition to just being early. So always, we will be grateful to the staff at the hospitals for saving our son. He is a NICU graduate and soon, he will be a proud finisher of his first ever 5km race. The Mother's Day run raises money and buys specific equipment for the unit. As a child who used some pretty specific equipment during his stay, I know that this stuff makes a huge difference to the kids. So, please, support Sebastian in his first ever 5km, in a race that means more to him, than he even realizes at this point!! Here's the link again to his page...

http://www.eventsonline.ca/cgi-bin/events/forzani_cal/pledge.pl?id=JME1745063

A cookbook review at the daring kitchen...

I'm so excited that I got to review a cookbook for The Daring Kitchen. I got to review The Best of Chef at Home: Essential Recipes for Today's Kitchen. Want to check out the review? Here is the link:

http://thedaringkitchen.com/cookbook/best-chef-home-essential-recipes-todays

Oh the challenges...

I love my boys. Truly. They are both amazing kids and I am so lucky to be their mom. Every day, Sebastian is becoming a more incredible kid. And Sullivan, I am absolutely blown away by him and his potential. Yesterday, he was putting together his own pizza with the Melissa and Doug pizza set. It was so neat to watch. Nobody showed him, he just figured it out from watching his brother play. Truly, impressive. I have fun with them every day. We dance, we sing, we run, we play. Life is beautiful and they make me smile all the time.

Some days though, I feel a little bit blah. Let me explain. By now, if you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you will know that Sebastian was born premature. He was born at 28 weeks, and he was super sick when he was born. We were not given any guarantee on his outcome, whether or not he would live, and what kind of life he would have if he did live. Really, it was stepping into the complete unknown. The only thing they knew for sure, was that if the pregnancy continued, he would die. So, we went ahead with the emergency c-section. He was born, ventilated immediately, and his roller coaster began. I won't go through all that again, because, well, been there, done that. But suffice it to say, a baby is supposed to be inutero for forty weeks. Twenty-eight weeks, really isn't ideal. Not by any stretch. And the time missed inutero, has an effect. There are consequences for that missed time. Those consequences vary from child to child, from case to case, from family to family. Sometimes there is almost no leftover remnants of the lost time, however, in most cases there are consequences and they range from very mild to very severe. Sebastian is fortunate that most of his challenges have been fairly minor in the huge spectrum of things he could be facing. But those challenges are there none the less.

The older Sebastian gets, however, the more we learn about some of the consequences of being born that early. Now don't get me wrong. For the most part, he's a regular little boy. But there are some things. Like his glasses. He ended up having very severe ROP and had to have surgery so that he would not go blind. Of course a side effect of that, is the glasses. It's not a huge deal, I understand that, but it still limits him in some ways. Had he been born fullterm, he would not have had ROP.

And fine motor. He is very delayed with fine motor skills. Again, it's not super serious, but he just turned four, and has the fine motor skills of someone who just turned two. So, what does this mean? Well, unlike his peers, he can't use a fork or spoon very well. This is a huge challenge for him. He can't undo or do up his pants. He can't do up zippers on his own. He can't draw or write anything. I know these aren't the biggest deal, but they are things we have to work on, things that most other kids his age can do. And he's working on it, my goodness is he ever. But without a doubt, it slows him down. I hope he will catch up. We are told he should, but it's suddenly becoming harder to be a parent, watching him be challenged by things that others pick up with no issue.

Part of me feels so guilty for the challenges he has. I don't think I have any reason to. But I just feel like, if he hadn't gotten so sick in utero, and didn't need to be delivered early, that he would be just fine now. I wonder if I should have done things differently during the pregnancy, yet what could I have changed? I didn't drink, I didn't smoke, I exercised, I ate a variety of foods. I drank water. I took my vitamins. I did all the things I was supposed to. Well, I broke my leg, or better yet, my dog broke my leg. And I wonder if that somehow caused the rest of the issues. The doctors said it did not, but the doctors could not find a reason that he got sick in the first place. I mean, I know I can't look back and second guess everything, but I just hope there was nothing that was in my control that could have prevented this.

Now, having a fullterm child, I am becoming more aware of how much extra work Sebastian has had to do on many of his skills. Sullivan picks things up no problem. He has incredible fine motor skills, probably equal to, or better than his older brother. He grasped the concept of eating immediately, with very little assistance required. He is already trying to dress himself. He is keen and interested in everything around him. He loves the outdoors. Very little slows him down. It has been a totally different experience. And I truly appreciate that.




On Friday I met with his preschool treatment therapists to learn about the assessments they had completed. He rocked the language and speech. I mean, he is doing amazing!! He has the vocabulary of someone who is 5 years, 8 months. He speaks clearly, is easy to understand and uses good grammar the majority of the time. Amazing. Awesome. Way to go little man. Gross motor is still a little behind but not too much. Fine motor, while, I already spoke of that. He measures very low on the spectrum. And we knew he would. And this explains so much about the things he isn't doing. And we know where we need to work.

But, we were confronted with a whole new set of issues. Related to sensory inputs and overloads and stuff like that. It was tough sitting there listening to them talk about it, yet it again, explains a lot with some of our challenges with Sebastian. His unusual sleep patterns, his challenges with food, and more. I asked if this is something he grows out of. They said, he was born at 28 weeks, there are consequences to the lost time. One of them is the heightened sensory inputs, and no, that will not change. Will he end up with a diagnosis? They don't see that at this point, but he will need to learn to find outlets to help him cope with the information that comes in at rates and ways he can't handle. He will meltdown, he will run, he will figure out what he needs to get to his happy place. And it helps explain his eating even more. Between all the tubes that were shoved down his throat, and what not, his mouth is ultra sensitive. He has a very hard time eating things of a certain size, or texture, or what have you. So, aside from having the challenge of not being able to use a fork or spoon very easily, he also has a hard time with sensory overload in his mouth. And in the end, is happiest drinking. It doesn't send funny messages to his brain. And when he has difficulties at swimming putting his face in the water, it's not just about putting his face in, its about what's happening to his ears and eyes and hair and everything else. Even though he works really hard to do this, his brain sends messages that counteract what he's trying to do. I still don't understand everything they were talking about, as this was totally new and not something I expected to be jumping into that day. But, we will have to work with him on this stuff, and help him find ways to get to his happy place.

So, for anyone out there, please be patient. He doesn't always get the correct message when you are talking to him. And sometimes, other things in the world around him distract him to a point where he just can't handle it. So he might get totally fixated on one thing. That might not be the hill to take a stand against him. His eating likely won't be that great anytime soon. And it's okay if you help him with his pants or with a zipper. He's still learning, and may take awhile to become more independent. It's okay when we have to help him eat, or he won't. It's okay if we help him get his socks and shoes on, or he'll just go without. It's okay if we help him with the bathroom, even though he's potty trained, that doesn't help with the fact that he can't do up his pants. So, we will keep working on things. We want him to succeed just as much as anyone else. We aren't trying to take away from his potential, we are working with him to reach it. He might look and sound like any other kid, but he is dealing with an extra set of things that other kids might never have to. That's a lot for him to carry, but he does it well.

I love my boys. They are both amazing and they are both very much their own person. I will be forever grateful that Sebastian is with us, as I know his odds were extremely dismal in his first weeks. And if the price he has to pay to be with us is in some of these challenges, then I will help do whatever I can to give him the tools to succeed. And yes, I'll be a little sad that things are more challenging than they should be. But for the amazing little kid that he is, I wouldn't miss it for the world. And in Sullivan I'll appreciate things they way they usually go. They really are both great kids. And watching them play together and chase each other around the house laughing the whole time, is so worth every moment. Thank you Sebastian for helping me develop patience and an ability to stand up for you and what you need. And thank you Sullivan for testing that patience and keeping me in check. I know I have a lot to learn yet about being a parent, but I have the greatest little teachers!!

Happy Birthday Sebastian... 4 years old!!

Wow, I completely cannot believe that you are four years old!! I can't believe, that four years ago, on this day, I was going to an ultrasound with your dad to just double check that everything was okay with you, and that I had a physio appointment booked for after that (I had a broken leg and it wasn't healing well!!). And I remember that ultrasound appointment well, as so many people had to come and look. We knew something was wrong, but nobody would say anything until the next person checked it out, and 3 techs, and two doctors later, someone finally talked. You were sick. You were really really sick. They would have liked to give me some shots to help your lungs along, but there wasn't time for that. You were too sick. If they didn't get you out, you weren't going to make it. You had hydrops and the outcome was unknown, but if you weren't delivered, you wouldn't be with us. That part they knew for sure. What a scary moment. All we wanted for you was to be okay. It's funny though, I somehow knew you were going to be born that day. So when they suggested that, I wasn't shocked, I was just so incredibly afraid for you and whether or not you'd be okay.

And, after you were delivered, I barely got a glimpse of you, before they whisked you away to the NICU to work on you. You were already ventilated and things weren't going well. You began with a very rocky start and hour by hour, you got worse, not better. They brought out more treatment options and different machines to help you along. They had to prioritize the tests they did on you, because you had hardly any blood and they needed to do transfusions. It was very scary. But you were a little fighter. And as the days passed, you gave us some scares, but slowly you got better. It was amazing to watch you meet the different NICU milestones. Peeing, pooping (these were huge!!), getting off different medications, getting off the ventilator, getting off the nitric oxide, weighing in at 1 kilogram (2.2lbs) was a huge one, holding your temperature, tolerating breast milk, passing your hearing screen, moving from the isolette to a cot, getting off oxygen. It was a tough road you took in the beginning, but your resilience and zest for life were apparent early on.


I remember when we finally got to take you home. I was amazed that the hospital actually trusted us to take care of you. I mean, what did we know!! We had never been parents before, yet, here we were, responsible for all your needs. It seemed like such a huge responsibility and then you add in the part where we didn't have any machines at home to monitor you, and it seemed so scary!! But, we figured it out. Of course two weeks after you were discharged you were back in the hospital having eye surgery and a hernia repair surgery!! That was scary. I remember you in your little green scrubs and carrying you down to the surgery ward. And then leaving you with the nurses after talking to both doctors who would be doing the surgeries, back to back. And then waiting to hear how things went, and then watching you back in the ICU again, back on a ventilator, then back on oxygen, hoping and praying you'd come off it (which you did!!).


And then you began to grow and change. It was amazing watching you discover the world around you. We didn't get to do a whole lot of social stuff. RSV season is a very scary time for preemies and we didn't want to expose you to anything, so for the most part, we kept you out of social settings. We still went to the dog park most days. And that was nice.

Then you started to develop. There was rolling over, and tummy time, and sitting and crawling and all that good stuff. Because you were so small when you were born, you didn't have the muscle strength of other babies your age, so some things took a little bit longer to do. That's okay though, because you still did them all. I remember when we signed you up for your first race, we didn't even know if you'd be walking or not!! But you were and you finished it. Talking also took a bit longer, but here you are, turning four years old, and at your assessment last week, had the vocabulary expected of someone 5 years, 8 months old. You totally rocked all your speech and language tests!! You still have some fine motor challenges, but we're working on it. And I have no doubt you'll catch up with that too!!

So Sebastian, who are you right now? You are this amazing little boy. You say the sweetest things and are super affectionate. You love cuddling and you love being with people. You always have a hug for me or dad and you are becoming an incredible big brother to Sullivan. You help him out with things, you give him toys, you share (well, sometimes anyhow), and when you do happen to knock your brother over, you are quick to apologize and give him a hug. You love dinosaurs, and trains. You love your blue blanket and sleep with it most every night. And ever since Sullivan got his Giuseppe bunny, you have been attached to your musical blue puppy. You love anything electronic and love talking on the phone to people now. You love dancing with me and your brother to songs like "I gotta feeling", "just dance" and "paper planes". And you enjoy the They Might Be Giants kids albums, with your favourite songs being "Bloodmobile", "A Shooting Star is Not A Star", and "7". Movies, your favourites are Peter Pan, Shrek, Toy Story 2, Beauty and the Beast, Alladin, Monsters Inc, and Up. And television, you love the Backyardigans (Robot Rampage!!), Super Why, Dinosaur Train, Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Special Agent Oso. And you love books!! You love all kinds of stories, and have pretty much learned all the letters of the alphabet now. You love playing on the computer at pbskids.org.


Foods, well, they are challenging. Eating isn't your strongest suit, but you do love your cookies, especially Oreos and Chips Ahoy. You love grapefruit and avocado. And toast, you love toast, with Nutella, raspberry jam, peanut butter, and most recently, honey. And your all time favourite eating out food is McDonalds chicken and fries. You also love the kids hot chocolate from Starbucks, which you drink with a straw. You are becoming quite the little chef and love helping me make puffed wheat squares or cookies or pretty much anything where you get to stir and measure.


You are in preschool and doing quite well with that (well, except for Monday, when you fell at the gym and ended up with a bleeding nose). You enjoy swimming, and finally passed Sea Turtle on the third try (you aren't a big fan of sticking your head in the water!!). You have taken skating lessons, and are still finding your balance on the ice. And you are in sportball, and doing quite well at that. But far and away, your favourite exercise is running. If we strap the garmin watch on your wrist, you would run for hours. You love having little races and told me you want to run a race with me. So I am thinking we might run Mother's Day together this year!!


Sebastian, every day you amaze me with what an incredible little boy you are. You are sweet and kind and I am so proud of all that you have accomplished. I am amazed at how far you've come since your beginning when you weighed only 1 pound 13 ounces (830grams). You truly are a miracle, and I am thankful every day to have you in my life. You make me smile and laugh all the time. You are my best little buddy!! Thank you for all that you are, and I look forward to all that you will be. You are amazing and I love you!!

Giuseppe Bunny...

So, when I was in Germany last year, I picked up a bunny for Sullivan. It was a special bunny that was musical and cuddly. It was a bit pricey, but it was something special just for him. It was high quality and I figured it would be his special bunny.

Fast forward to this year, when I went back to work, Giuseppe bunny became something he became very attached to. And, we nearly lost him!! We forgot him at the hospital one day after preschool treatment. Let's just say, I'm very glad they still had him and we made a special trip there on the Monday after a very long weekend without him!! He's made by sigikid and he's beautiful. So, I decided to snap some pictures of Sullivan and his bunny...





As you can see, he's a very loved little bunny!!