How many children do I really want?

I love spending time with Sebastian. I love that he's going to have a little brother or sister sometime here. I've spent a lot of time lately wondering about what I want for my family. I always swore I'd never have kids, then Sebastian came along and he's such a hoot. Now someone else is coming along and I've wondered if 2 kids is enough. I know I won't physically have more than 2 kids, but I think I really want more than 2 kids. I really want to adopt. Maybe it's crazy, but I think it would be such an amazing experience for our family. It would be a way to learn about other cultures, another sibling for Sebastian and his soon-to-be sibling, a way to increase our family size without burdening the world's overpopulation problem, and crazy enough, I think I may even want to have more than 2 kids (which I swore I never would have in a million years).

I've read a few blogs lately about people going through various experiences (having their own kids, being a mother by choice, and families who adopt) in relation to family growth. The blogs have been fantastic and a great way to see what has worked for different families.

Awhile back, I lived in India and I remember thinking that it was so sad that there were so many kids out there just wanting someone to love them. Rather than grow up in an orphanage, maybe I can help at least one child have a childhood with a family who loves them.

I also think that maybe the idea of adopting has helped to ease some of the stress and worry that the pregnancy is inevitably creating (even if it is only in the background). Sebastian's early arrival was definitely not part of the big picture plan, and his roller coaster beginning was tough. I know we're being watched more carefully this time around, but we can't deny the fact that the same thing could happen again (of course it may not, it's that unknown!!). I think planning for the future, and the idea of another addition to our family has definitely helped ease those worries. I believe everything will turn out fine, and by planning for the future, I'm imagining what will happen next, after the baby comes home. I did the same thing when Sebastian was sick, planning his time capsule to be opened when he turns 18 or has his first child. I had to concentrate on the future so I wouldn't let the scary part of the present overtake where I wanted us to be down the road. Silly, but effective!!

Time to declutter...

So, I am reading "It's All Too Much" by Peter Walsh. I've read it before. I love it. It makes me deal with the clutter in my life. Now that we're expanding the family, I want to trim some of our clutter again. This totally stresses out my husband. He'd keep everything, forever, if he had his way. But I hate watching the island in the kitchen get piled up with stuff. I know I am just as guilty as him, but we defintiely have stuff we don't need and we could use with a little more organization.

I want to be able to develop the basement, and in order to do that, we need to trim back some of the stuff down there. It's tough though, because there's so many reasons we keep clutter. I need to just be cutthroat and get rid of stuff. Easier said than done, but I can do it. So this next week, I intend to do exactly that. The less stuff we have, the easier it is to stay organized!!

Not sure which area to attack first, but I will figure it out!!

Always a Disney fan...

So I just finished Realityland: True-Life Adventures at Walt Disney World, by David Koenig. He's written a few other books, offering a sort of insider's look at what happens at Disney that Disney would never tell you about. This was his first one about the Florida parks. I loved it. I love reading this stuff. I love reading about the parts of Disney that don't go so well, about the accidents, and deaths, and things that Disney would never tell you. But it doesn't destroy Disney for me. I will always love Disney.

I worked at Disneyworld for about 15 months when I was younger. It was the best job I ever had. Seriously, if I ever won the lottery, I'd go back in a heartbeat. I am very good at being that happy person who's there to do whatever I can to make someone have a better day. Now when I worked there, life was not always rosy, but for the most part, I loved it. I loved dealing with primarily happy people and working at "the happiest place on earth". I did all sorts of jobs while I was there, worked in foods, worked in custodial, facilitated youth programs, but the best job I had was driving boats. I spent the final three months as the captain aboard the friendship boats that went between EPCOT, MGM and the hotels in the area. It was fantastic. I loved it. I played trivia with the guests, asked them about hidden mickeys on the attractions they had been on. I had some families that would wait so they could be on the boat when I was driving.

It's rather ironic that in my current line of work, I am seldom talking to happy people, but rather people who are more stressed than they ever have been. So many parts of Disney are still leftover. My emphasis on customer service is huge, even if it doesn't entirely match with the job description.

If I get the chance again, I will work for Disney. I don't know in what capacity, but whatever it is, I will love it. I love the Disney culture, and the Disney way of doing business. As it is, I am counting down the days until my next trip, and it's not long now. I am going to Disneyland to run the half marathon at the end of the month. And, I'm going with people who like Disney. I can hardly wait!!

Running and music...

So, yesterday I went running again. I haven't been in about 11 days, so this was important, especially since I'm running a half marathon at the end of August. I procrastinated quite a bit, had to find my ipod, then my headphones, etc. I love listening to music while I run. So, once I got all that together, Cronos and I headed out the door. It was tough at first. It took about 10 or 15 minutes before I didn't feel short of breath. It was pathetic really, but hey. Once that time passed, it was much easier. I only went 5km, but at least it's a start. I need to run about 4 days a week every week now until the race is over.

But music, that's what I really wanted to mention. I find music almost like therapy. I can listen to a really good song and feel so much better. I am so attached to music. I use my ipod in the car most of the time, and always when I'm running. I have all sorts of playlists that I have composed depending on what I'm doing or the mood I am in. I love songs that have nice words and a strong message.

When Sebastian was first born, music was one of the ways I coped with what was happening to him. To and from the hospital every day I would listen to all sorts of songs. I have a list on my ipod called Sebastian's True List. These were songs that helped me get through those early days of his life, and songs with strong messages for him. Some are just products of the time, but most have more significance. I will put these songs on a cd for him, for his time capsule. Then, when he opens that up later, there will be a whole cd of songs meant just for him. I don't know that they'll have the same meaning to him, but hopefully he'll like it.

What's on the list? you might be wondering, so here goes:

-Good Riddance (Time of your life) by Green Day
-Photograph by Nickelback
-Let Them Be Little (not sure who it's by on my ipod)
-Forever Young by Youth Group
-Always On Your Side by Sting and Sheryl Crow
-Collide by Howie Day (even the best fall down some times)
-Home by Daughtry (I'm going home, to the place where I belong...every preemies theme)
-Slow Motion by David Gray (life in slow motion, sometimes it don't feel real)
-I Can Only Imagine by Mercyme
-Far Away by Nickelback
-Ordinary Miracle by Sarah MacLaughlin (isn't it remarkable, how things just work out afterall)
-Lean On Me by Bill Withers (Lean on me, when you're not strong)
-He's My Son by Mark Schultz (makes me cry when I hear it)
-Wires by Athlete (written about someone's NICU baby)
-You're Beautiful by James Blunt
-Kiss The Girl by Little Texas (yeah yeah, from the Little Mermaid, sung by Sebastian)

Well, those are the main ones on the list. I used to like listening to Bad Day by Daniel Powter, but then of course, heard that song on the way to the hospital on his code blue day, and after that, always skipped over it.

I love finding new songs that have nice words, so feel free to share your faves.

And if anyone wants to read our family blog, it's at this website, and much more about what's been happening with us as a family:

http://web.mac.com/andrusiakfamily/Site/Welcome.html

This blog is more for me and about stuff that isn't quite related to the family all the time. Does that make sense? Oh well, enough for today!!

The various faces of emergency communications...

So, I have worked in Emergency Communications for quite a few years now. Mostly, I have handled calls related to police, but recently began handling calls for people requiring fire or EMS (emergency medical services). It's been a really interesting transition between these two very different areas of the job.

When you are dealing with police calls, quite often, callers can be rude, ignorant, mean, swear at you, etc. People generally don't seem to like the police a whole lot, at least not the ones that require their services on a more frequent basis (yet they keep calling). When you are dealing with callers needing medical help, they are friendly, nice, really desperate for your reassurance and help. They are grateful that you are sending someone to help. It's a very different kind of caller. Now, don't get me wrong, occassionally you talk to someone who can be rude or swear on EMS or Fire calls, but for the most part, callers are so much nicer. And on the flipside, there are many people who call the police that are quite nice, but as a general rule, if you are going to talk to someone who feels the need to be rude and swear, it's more than likely going to be someone who needs the police.

Which brings me to my other observation about the different calls for the different emergency services. Having talked to police related callers for so long, I find it very easy to keep myself separate from the events they are describing. In all my years, only a handful of calls have truly bothered me. I've talked to all kinds of people reporting many different and very horrific things (like murders, attempted murders, suicides, rapes, etc), and seldom am I bothered by those calls. It's easy to remove yourself from the situation and not get too close. On the EMS side of things though, it isn't always that easy. I have talked to a variety of people reporting emergencies their loved ones are going through (heart attacks, choking, babies being born, someone stopping breathing etc). With these calls though, sometimes afterwards I feel for the people, much more than I ever have on the police side. I guess with nicer callers, it's tough to hear someone who's stressed because their loved one has stopped breathing and all they want is for someone to get their quick and help them. I think part of it has to do with the fact that in an emergant medical case, the patient (victim), has done nothing wrong and simply having an emergency. They aren't hurt because they are drunk or fighting with someone, they are just having a medical emergency. On the police side, often victims are partly victims of their circumstance (domestics are what immediately pops to mind). So where you have no control over a medical situation (most of the time), often with a police situation, there are things the victim could have done to prevent it (now, I know that this is easier said than done many times, but after police have been called to the same address for like the 25th time, and both the offender and victim are drunk, it's just not as easy to feel sorry for those people as it is for the 65 year old lady who just saw her husband have a heart attack and collapse in front of her).

Now, keep in mind I've only been answering EMS calls for a few months now, so perhaps I will develop the same kind of ability to disassociate myself from the calls, but in the meantime, I find it ironic that I can so easily disassociate from police calls, yet sometimes an EMS call will linger for longer.

That's all I've got for today.

Blogs inspire me...

So I've been reading some blogs lately that I am just loving. Now, these are new blogs, different from some that I have been following for awhile now. One is an old friend that I recently reconnected with, that is a mother by choice. Another was all about an international adoption. They have taken awhile to get through since I wanted to read them from the beginning. I have been loving it so much and many times have had tears in my eyes as I read their wonderful stories. Yet, part of me feels as though I know more about these people than I should. I mean, I know they are public blogs, and therefore anyone can read them, yet it amazes me what people share. I feel so honoured to have been able to read these blogs and appreciate that these people would share their stories so openly. I am inspired and excited. 

It's funny though, as I get to the end of the blogs (well, not really the end, but caught up to today's date), it almost makes me sad because it's like a good book coming to an end when you want it to just keep going. However, unlike books, the blogs do keep on going, just no longer at my choosing, but rather when the bloggers are ready to share again. So for that, I am truly grateful. 

I think I need to put more of me on this blog and what I do. And I need to more consistent with adding to it. We have a family blog, but this one is a little bit different. This one, I feel I can more candidly be myself. It doesn't always have to involve my son. I can complain about work, or rant about things, but also aspire to be more. I want to make a difference in this world, and by blogging and reading other blogs, I see what people I know (and some I don't), are doing and get inspired. 

I feel so lucky and blessed to have all that I do. I have a great husband, a fantastic dog, and an absolutely amazing little son who defied a lot of odds to be here with us. I love my extended family to pieces. For the most part, I love my job. I try and give back to the community (not always easy of course when you are a shift worker, but still!). I have some truly amazing friends who have gone above and beyond when we needed it, and for them I am grateful. 

Life is precious. I want to make sure that I make the most of the time I have here. I want to have fun every day, always. I want to always be happy and follow my dreams. I never want to look back with tons of regrets. I know I don't have a lot of control over circumstance (Sebastian is living proof of that), yet when I get thrown the hard moments, I want to use them to make me stronger and somehow benefit from what those challenges offer. 

So now, I will stop for today. hopefully I will add more tomorrow. But if anyone is reading this, thanks for wanting to know a bit more about me and what I am up to!!

The other side of a race...

So, I love running. I love running a lot. I love races. I love the atmosphere they offer, I love the feeling of accomplishment when I cross the finish line. I love the bling. Yesterday however, I did something a little bit different. I was part of a water station at the Calgary Marathon. 

I've done a lot of races, and I always truly appreciate the people that come out and help so that the race can go ahead. So that I can enjoy water, or gatorade, or whatever else is being offered. I always wanted to volunteer at a race, but, rather selfishly, most of the races I would rather participate in than volunteer at, so, so far, I haven't given back to the running community that has given so much to me.

Yesterday though, that all changed. I was up at the crack of dawn, along with my husband and son. We dropped Sebastian off at his grandma's house and headed for our water station. We needed to be there at by 7:15am just in case there were road closures and such. We arrived to a group of fun and full of energy people. We chatted, we got things ready, and we anxiously awaited the first runners. 

Allow my to side step a little here. I am a slow runner. I am a back of the pack kind of runner. Seldom, would I ever even see the people who win races simply because I don't run fast. The first people finishing the Calgary Marathon finish in a faster time than I can finish a half marathon, if that gives you a bit of an idea of the type of runner I am. Now, I'm not the slowest but usually somewhere in the later parts of the race. 

So, back to waiting for the runners. It was so neat when the first runner came through. He was fast. I'm talking lightning. It was incredible. And the next few were equally as talented and speedy. It was so exciting to see these elite athletes come through. I was totally pumped!!

As time went on, we got slower and as a result busier. It was fun though. I cheered for people by name (most people have their names on their numbers). I had two people ask me how I knew so many runners. That made me laugh. They hadn't noticed the names on the numbers yet. I did know a few people running. And, I got to see them too!! Good job Steven, loved your shirt Rob, amazing Irma, second marathon in 2 months!! It was fun. 

I enjoyed doing the water station almost as much as I enjoyed running, with the added bonus of no chafing, and not having to consume any gels, and no blisters the next day, and no ice bath. So, I just might volunteer for another run. Of course, I'll probably pick one I don't really want to actually race, since being a participant is still a little more fun than volunteering!!

Random thoughts...

Last night, I drove home in the fog. It was pretty dense fog. Keep in mind that I live in the middle of the prairies, nowhere near big bodies of water that are usually associated with fog. It was kind of neat, and a little bit eery, all at the same time. That was at 4 in the morning. 

My job has changed somewhat. I work in the same place still, but now I am working on a different dimension of things. I talk to mostly nice people now. It's quite fun. And most of the calls are over in about 5 minutes or less. It's great. And such a shift from the calls I used to take. 

My son has a new dayhome. Finding that has been stressful. But, we found one, even close to where we live!! Like, walking distance. It's fantastic. I hope he likes it there. He seemed to have fun with the toys last night, at least that's what my husband tells me. We'll check it out on Monday, since I am doing overtime on Sunday (doing my old job, just so I don't forget how). 

It's almost time for the stampede. I love the stampede. We're taking my son there tomorrow. It should be fun. My mom is going to be here too, and my son loves that, so I'm excited to hang out there with everyone!!

And finally, isn't this a great photo? I love it... it has two of my favourite guys in it. It's colourful. It's fun!