Time to declutter and clean more...

So, it is now less than two weeks away from the baby's arrival. That is quite scary sounding. I am not quite sure exactly how it will work having Sebastian at home along with a new child who is depending on me for every need. I hope it will go well, but I still worry about whether or not I will love the new child as much as I do Sebastian. All in good time however.

In the meantime, I'm trying to tidy things up and get ready for this new child. I am randomly cleaning in the oddest of places. I want to try and get a whole lot of clutter out of this house. So far, I'm doing pretty good, and with every bag that goes out, it's a renewed sense of control. I don't want our house overrun with stuff we never use. It feels good to see stuff going out and that there is less stuff to worry about storing. I don't know how much I'll get done, but every little bit is something. I have already started on the office a bit (scary), and sorted through all the winter gear (tossing out mitts and hats that never get worn or have no matchers), and I cleaned one of the shelves in our pantry closet. The best part is, we find something we've been missing in almost every place that gets tidied, so I know we're doing well!! And, the husband is even on board with this, for the most part. And since he's off between now and the new year, that's even better because things are actually getting accomplished!!

Sleepy...

I am loving this time of year, really, I am. I just can't believe how tired I am, all of the time. I stopped working at the end of November, because the shifts were killing me. Who knew though, that since I stopped, I would basically be with a cold/sore throat/etc from that entire time onwards, give or take a day or two that seemed to be okay. So, add in the pregnant factor, and the lack of sleep at night, and the swelling, and it seems that I barely get anything accomplished in a day. I mean, a busy day is a day where I have an appointment. It's crazy. I won't plan any more than one thing in a day because it's just too exhausting. I know this is just good practice for the pure exhaustion of the baby being home and all, but yikes. I would give anything to sleep more than 3 hours in a row without stopping. And, I would give even more if that sleep were not affected by being so stuffy in the sinuses. Some nights I wake up because I've practically stopped breathing. It's a terrible feeling, but nothing seems to help it. I know getting rid of this cold might help a bit, but seriously, my sinuses were in overdrive even before this. I think that is my least favourite part about being pregnant. I can handle the part where my belly actually gets in the way (it's a neat thing actually, and something I haven't had to worry about before this). 

I was chatting with a friend the other day and she offered to come over and help me get ready for the baby's arrival. This is such a foreign concept to me. We never really got that last time. I never had a bag at the door to grab when we'd head off to the hospital. I never had the nursery all set up and ready, just waiting for the baby. And so far, we haven't done anything really to get ready for this child. I think my husband and I are maybe being a little superstitious. Last time, he bought diapers that we never ended up using until the child was about 9 months old (same with the sleepers he bought the same day). And an outfit for the new baby to come home in? Same thing. Last time we didn't get to plan that out ahead of time. We were able to take outfits in and check to see which colours matched the best with his skin tones since he didn't come home until he was almost 3 months old!! Oh the new things I should start to think about. 

We're less than one week away now from our child being considered full term (I believe anyone born before 37 weeks is still classed as a preemie). That blows me away. I am shocked that we have come this far. I know there are still many things that can happen to a full term baby, but those things are very different than the battle a preemie faces simply because of their early arrival. So, I will continue to enjoy the basketball that now resides across my belly. I will take the stretch marks and itchy belly and lack of sleep and clogged sinuses any day over the daily trips to the hospital and wondering if our child will in fact live to see the next day. It's the little things, or in the case of our soon to be son, the bigger things, since he's still measuring quite large on the growth chart!!

Trying to stay relaxed...

So, it's tough to be relaxed this time of year. There is so much going on and so many things to get done. But, now that I'm 35 weeks pregnant, swelling, and tired all the time, I have no energy to do anything. So, I'm trying to limit myself to one thing a day that must be done and that's it. Easier said than done of course, because other stuff always creeps up. This week it has been about appointments. There was some type of appointment every day this week, doctor's etc. Sebastian has three appointments this week, and thank goodness they are all on different days because I don't have the energy to do much more than one!!

And, to add to it, I'm trying to fight a cold that I got almost two weeks ago. I don't like the part of pregnancy where you are susceptible to this type of stuff. I also don't like that it seems to take twice as long to fight it!! The doctor said to get lots of rest, that I really need that deep sleep. That's nice, but with a bladder that seems to hold almost nothing these days, chances of getting that sleep are almost impossible. Especially once you factor in the part where you can't breath cause your sinuses are all clogged up. It's a nightmare. Plus, at night, the mind gets overactive, and you start turning mole hills into mountains. Frustrating!! Oh well, I shouldn't complain. I know there are so many people who have bigger things to worry about, but at the moment, sleep is something I so desperately want I'd even pay money to get it. But of course, it just doesn't work that way!!

So, for now, I will sign off, and go pick up my little guy. He gets to see his aunt and his grandma  tonight, and I know he'll be excited for that. And maybe, just maybe, I will get some sleep tonight, but I won't hold my breath!!

P.S. I loved Prison Break this week, and can hardly wait for next week. Sadly, that will be the last episode for awhile, since it takes a hiatus of some sort now!! And even sadder, it might be the last season of it. What will I do not being able to see Wentworth Miller every week!!

Tis the season...

I love this time of year. I think the time leading up to Christmas is one of the nicest times of the year. People are often nicer, and more giving than at other times of the year. And the overall atmosphere is fantastic!! 

1. I love Christmas songs. Sebastian asks me to sing songs to him all the time now. His favourites at the moment are Row Row Row Your Boat and Santa Claus Is Coming to Town. I have also been singing Away In A Manger and Jingle Bells to him. I love Christmas music. One of my favourite parts of working at Disney World was singing in the Candlelight Processional. It was such a neat experience being in a choir that sang the most beautiful versions of all the typical Christmas Carols. It was powerful and brought me to tears almost every night. If you heard some of the songs, you'd understand why. But not just those songs, I love almost all Christmas songs. Josh Groban has one called Thankful from his Christmas CD that is just fantastic. The words are incredible and really make you stop and think about how lucky we are.

2. I love the lights. It's so fun driving around and seeing all the decorated houses. It's even more fun, because my son is loving the lights too!! He gets so excited when we turn the lights on at our house. And loves seeing all the different colours.

3. I love decorating the Christmas tree. Even if it did fall over while we were out the other night. My brother was with Sebastian when that happened, and cutest of cute, Sebastian kept saying "It's okay Chris, it's okay", even though my brother was trying to hold up the tree and internally freaking out at the time. I love hanging up the decorations and it was so cute watching Sebastian hang them too, almost all on the same branch of course!!

4. I love buying presents for people. I love finding the perfect gift for someone, where it's something I know they will just love. Especially if it is something that I thought up without prompting from the person. Those are the best gifts ever!! I thought I had the perfect gift lined up for Jeremy, but sort of ran it past him, and it turns out it might not quite be the perfect gift after all, thank goodness I checked!! But now, it's back to the drawing board, trying to come up with something that he'll really love and use and will make his life better. I have a few gifts done for other people that fit that criteria but so far nothing for the husband (except a book he already knows he's getting, and a toque, can you believe he found my secret hiding place and saw the toque??). 

5. I love doing something charitable at this time of year. This year, we're focusing on Ronald McDonald House. I already wrote about most of that. My workplace is adopting a family, and it's all coming together so nicely!! But, a group of friends and family are all pitching in and helping out with stockings for families at Ronald McDonald House. It's been so fun hearing everyone come up with the perfect additions for the families. And, I love the diversity of people participating. My aunt & uncle, my parents, and a variety of friends (ironically, all of whom have kids). And, we got neat gift cards, for practical and fun stuff, like gas, groceries, cafeteria food at the hospital, a toy store that also sells things like clothes and diapers, and coffee, and then special little books for all the families. Everyone has been so awesome with ideas and such. I love it!! I am so excited to assemble everything and drop it off for them. 

6. I love the seasonal drinks at Starbucks. I know, very commercial of me, but hey, it's the white peppermint mocha, and the new salted caramel signature hot chocolate (even if they are out of it most of the time I try and get it), and an eggnog chai, and the caramel apple cider. All of these drinks just scream Christmas. And I love the red cups. It just feels festive to drink from the red cups at this time of year!!

7. I love Christmas baking. It's fun baking things that just don't get made at other times of year. Like Cherry Flips. One of those special cookies that my grandma always used to make, and now, I always make them. And almond florentines. And white chocolate cranberry shortbread. Can you say, yum?? And let's not forget gingerbread houses. I had lots of fun this year when Cindy and her boys came over to decorate houses with us. It was fantastic, we baked the gingerbread and made the icing, and she brought the candies, and the kids went to town!! Up next is a cheesecake of some variety, likely chocolate peppermint candy cane. 

8. Christmas Movies. Like Christmas Vacation, Muppet Christmas Carol, Family Man, and soon I'll be getting back into the kids ones, like Rudolph and Frosty the Snowman. I always like watching a new Christmas movie. They just make you feel good!!

9. Advent Calendars. It's fun this year. Sebastian is always excited to open the new door every day and hang the new decoration, and of course, eat the chocolate!!

10. Christmas Cards. I love getting cards, I love sending cards. I love hearing from people that I only hear from a couple times of year. It's fun. It's nice to catch up and update them on what's been going on!!

There's just so much fun stuff this time of year. Visiting with friends and family, and just loving life and reminding ourselves that life really is special and we need to celebrate that!! So, have fun this year. I read an article yesterday about how even though Christmas is based on Christian events, in countries like Canada and the USA, people who are not Christians still celebrate Christmas (the percents were something like 78% of people in the USA were Christian, but 96% of people in the USA celebrate Christmas). It's part of our culture, and it's a fun time of year, so enjoy everything it has to offer. And don't forget to do something for someone else, just because you can.

Home for dinner...

Last night was really neat. A group of coworkers got together and we went to Ronald McDonald House to make dinner for the families that are staying there. Ahead of time, we got the groceries, using money that was raised from our snack shack at work. Then, it was time for dinner. We had lots to do, and lots of people to do it. We made salad, sloppy joes, vegetarian sloppy joes, french fries, mushrooms, and fresh baked shortbread cookies. It was lots, but we did it all and we did it well. 

I think about these families and how tough life circumstance is for them. One of their kids is sick. Sick enough that the family essentially has to relocate while the child is being treated. Ronald McDonald House helps many families, but primarily it's kids with cancer, kids needing a transplant, and also parents of premature babies (usually the moms). Often, the families are there for 3 months at a time. They give up the comforts of home to move to our city so their child can get medical treatment that isn't available where they live. Sometimes a parent has to stop working all together to be there with the child. It changes everything about that family. Yet, here is a place they can come and be welcomed and meet other families going through similar circumstance. 

There are many ways to volunteer at Ronald McDonald House, and home for dinner is one of them. Basically, you show up with a small group, a bunch of groceries, and you make a home cooked meal for the family. They have nothing to prepare or clean up, but dinner is made and hot for them to enjoy. A nice break for them. It's not much, but it's something that on occasion I have loved being part of. The families are always grateful, and it's nice to know that it is appreciated. 

I want to do more, and I'm working on that. Our workplace has adopted one of the families for Christmas, and a bunch of friends, family and I are participating in their stocking program. I know these things are small, yet in the midst of the chaos the families are experiencing, it's nice to know there's little things that us outsiders can do to help them out a bit. I hope I never need to use this type of facility, but I am sure grateful it is there. 

So, next time you stop at McDonalds, remember what a huge impact their charity program has on the lives of so many families going through some of the worst times ever, all around the world. They really do give kids what they need most when they are sick... their families!!

Life is precious...

Last week, one of my coworkers lost her husband suddenly. It was very tragic and unexpected. People only have the fondest memories of him and despite the fact that he left this planet way too soon, he will be remembered by so many people as a happy, dependable, caring guy. Life really is precious. You don't know how much time you have here and how long the people you love will be here, so it really is important to make the most out of the time you have. So here's some ways to make sure you are enjoying the now, the today...

-don't be afraid to try something new. There are lots of people who hope to do things someday, but put it off, for later, for when I'm done school, for when I retire, for when the kids are grown up, ...insert excuse here..., basically though, if there are things you have always wanted to try, go out there and try them. What's stopping you? Don't wish later that you had but by then it's too late

-spend time with people you love and care about. This can be family or friends. But surround yourself with people you have fun with, people who make you laugh, people who have the same outlook, people who are positive, people you have fun with. There is no sense wasting all this time hanging out with people who are negative and bring you down. If you found out tomorrow that today was the last day you had on earth, wouldn't you rather have been with people who make you smile and laugh? And let them know you care about them. Show them you value their friendship or tell them. We don't do this nearly as much as we should. 

-follow your dreams. So many people put aside their dreams and end up just living a day to day existence. There is so much more to life when you chase after your dreams, do the things you always wanted to do, travelled to somewhere you've always wanted to go. If you don't do that now, you might never get the chance!! So, let yourself pursue some of the goals and dreams you have, even if you have kids or a spouse or a job... there's still time for you to follow your heart and do the things you always wanted to... Plus, if you are pursuing your dreams, you are making sure to take time for yourself, and that only makes you a better friend, parent, spouse, whatever for the people in your life.

-have fun every day. Seriously, something should make you smile or laugh every day. If a day goes by that wasn't fun, it's time to put some fun back into your life. We get enough hurdles and challenges thrown at us anyways, we might as well make sure we're taking time to enjoy life, even the little things, watching your favourite tv show, playing with your dog, building block towers with your kid, playing cards with your spouse. It doesn't matter what, but take some time each day to just enjoy life. Yes, the dishes need to done, yes the house needs to vacuumed, yes the laundry needs to be done, but make sure in addition to household chores, you also spend time just being a family and having fun.

-travel. When you visit other places, you make special memories. I love exploring new places and having people there to discover them with me. It's fun. You do neat stuff, and you get time away from home. There are no chores to be done, there are no phones to distract you, there are no jobs to get in the way. Just time to be with people you care about doing fun stuff

Life is precious. It's up to us to make the most of it. Life can change in a heartbeat and I don't want to live my life with a whole pile of regrets later of things I didn't do or people I forget to tell that I cared about them. I want to know I made the most of my time here and made the most of the time I had with others. 

Post surgery report...

So, Sebastian made it through his surgery with flying colours. He was awesome and such a trooper. Today, you almost wouldn't even know he had surgery, except that he still has his hospital bracelet on, a couple little steri strips where they cut him open and strict orders to be as inactive as possible for the next THREE weeks!! So, all in all, the experience was fine.

We arrived at the hospital with plenty of time to spare, got checked in, and headed up to day surgery. The nurse assessed him, took his vitals, chatted with us and we learned very quickly, that in our preparations to get him ready for the hospital (ex, they will give you special medicine to make you sleep, they will check your blood pressure, they will listen to your heart, you will wear special hospital pjs, they will take your temperature), we neglected to mention one small thing to him. We forgot to tell him that he would be getting a hospital bracelet with his name on it. So, when this step came up, he wasn't ready for it, and freaked out a bit. The nurse was awesome though. She went and made up a new bracelet with the name Morris on it, for his moose that he brought to the hospital with him. Once Morris got a bracelet on his leg, suddenly, it wasn't quite as scary for Sebastian to get one on his (which he continues to wear today even). He was bumped up and ended up going in for surgery an hour earlier than planned, which was fine by us!! 

The porter came and wheeled his bed, and he loved this ride!! We waited in the pre-OR area and the put you to sleep resident came to assess Sebastian. He has had a bit of a cough, so we knew he might not be a candidate for surgery for that. Well, his lungs were "mostly" clear, so she said the risks would be higher but still very low. She double checked with the doctor and all was well. 

One parent got to go into the operating room with him, and he picked mom. So, I carried him down there and stayed with him while they knocked him out. I gave him a kiss, and then the tears trickled down my cheeks. I met back up with Jeremy in the pre-OR area. 

Afterwards, we waited in the waiting room, where there was a board of patients and their statuses. When the surgeon was done his portion, he came and gave us an update. And after that, you watched the board, eagerly waiting for your child to return. It was sort of like being at an airport. You waited around and watched your child's status go from green (operating room), to pink (recovery room), to brown (heading back to day surgery). Once it turned brown, our pager went off, which was our queue to head back to day surgery for his arrival. 

We arrived as they were wheeling him in, popsicle in hand. He had Morris with him, and seemed to be doing all right. We had to wait a couple more hours to make sure that all was good, which of course, it was. He's a little super trooper and came through beautifully. We gave him his present that we showed him first thing in the morning, and promised he could open when his surgery was done. He was sooooooo excited for that. We had purchased a couple DVDs for him (Wall-E and Kung Fu Panda), and immediately began watching one, while we waited. He had to consume some apple juice before they'd take the IV out, and they gave him some codeine to try to make sure he didn't react to that. Once all of that was good, we were free to go. 

Oh, and a small side note here. They gave him an epidural style anaesthetic as well as a general. This was to lessen the pain, but the end result was he wouldn't be able to fully use his legs for about six hours. He totally didn't understand this, and it was kind of amusing, but also a bit scary as we didn't want him hurting himself. But again, trying to hold back a two year old is nearly impossible!! Oh well, he did great, and I'm so proud of him for being the super trooper that I knew he would be!!

Looking at the finish line...

So, my little son has to have surgery tomorrow. I know it is only day surgery and it is very routine and all that good stuff, but it's amazing how much it has actually been stressing me tonight. Without it even meaning to. But, I have also been taking steps to ensure I have done the steps I can to make it easier for him and me. So, rather than share all my stressed out thoughts, which there are a bunch of, I thought I would share some of the things I have been doing to make the most of this experience.

1. Be informed. It is important to understand what you are walking in to. I like to be armed with knowledge so that if anything strays from the norm, I have been informed of all the different scenarios and am ready to deal with things.

2. Plan ahead for the after party.  I bought Sebastian a little present to give him after he wakes up from his surgery. I told him about it, so he has something to look forward to. Also, by doing this, and getting a bunch of activities lined up for him that are low key (ie colouring, movies, books, playdoh etc), I know we'll have fun in the days ahead while he is recovering. 

3. Be open and honest. I have told Sebastian about what will happen tomorrow. He knows he is going to the hospital. He knows both his parents will be there with him. He knows he will wear special pj's at the hospital. He knows they will give him medicine to make him sleep. He knows he is having surgery. He knows he might not feel good afterward. He knows he gets a present when he wakes up from surgery. He also knows he can bring a stuffed toy with him. These are important things to share with him. I don't want him thinking we tricked him into anything. 

4. Acknowledge your emotions. I have been really emotional tonight. I think this surgery is bringing back lots of memories from when he was first born. I also know his surgeon is a bit of a doom and gloom doctor (but one of the best surgeons there is). I am trying not to concentrate on the potential side effects. I know they are there, but I keep reminding myself that he's been through surgery before, and come out fine, and he will again tomorrow. But wow, as I was laying there with Sebastian, I was overcome with emotions and tears were streaming down my face as I stroked his hair, and told him he was my best little buddy, and that I loved him sooooo much. He said "it's okay mommy". It was so cute. He has come so far from where he started and I am so proud of the incredible little boy that he is. It pains me to think he will be hurting after his surgery, yet I know in the long run, it is the best thing for him. 

5. Don't be afraid to ask for some positive energy or prayers. I know that things are going to go fine, yet I am perfectly willing to accept any and all prayers or energy directed towards Sebastian. He is a super trooper, but it never hurts to have people rooting for him!! And, it's nice to know that he is loved!!

So, as I go into tomorrow, I will be strong, or try very hard to be. I will be as brave as I can, so that Sebastian knows his parents are both there for him, and love him with all their hearts. But I also know that if I get a bit emotional, that's okay too, and I am so fortunate to have my husband there to give me a hug and tell me it's okay to be emotional and that really, it just means I care!! So, hopefully this came across as being hopeful and positive. It's what I am trying to be, but wow, what a huge range of emotions in the meantime!!

Play time!!

I had fun this morning. I played with Sebastian. We played Animal Farm, we played with mega blocks building towers, we read our puzzle book. It was fun. I don't see him tomorrow, because of how my shifts fall, so I had to make sure we got some good quality play time in this morning!! Oh, and we cuddled while he ate half my cereal. Turns out he likes Froot Loops (okay, so I know it's not the best choice of cereal, but sometimes you just need a fun treat!!). 

He weighed 28 pounds yesterday and this morning. Granted, that is only on our scale, but that is huge. That is practically gigantic, and for his standards that is amazing!! That was very exciting. Some days it is such a challenge to get him to eat, that when he actually gains some kind of weight, I'm so excited!! I'm pretty sure that plots him on the growth chart for sure!!

Today I had a doctor appointment and it went well. Things still looking good. Who knew how exciting it could be to complain about swelling and sheer exhaustion...I love it!!

Oh, and at work, I was on a call for over 4 hours tonight. It was great though. A lot of the recent training applied entirely, so that was really neat. Maybe next year I'll be attending one of those calls rather than merely dispatching it!!

10 things I'm truly grateful for...

I want to remind myself to be grateful for the amazing things that this life has to offer. To often it's easy to get caught up in the day to day of life and we forget to appreciate the amazing little things that life has to offer, so here's a list of things I'm grateful for, and hopefully that will spark some other things that other people are grateful for as well...

1. Cookies fresh from the oven. Today I made cookies with my son and my husband. It was a lot of fun and we enjoyed eating some of them while the chocolate chips were still warm. It was fun getting Sebastian to help with various steps along the way.

2. Unconditional love from my dog. Truly, Cronos makes me feel loved every day. Even if he gets very little of our time, he still makes an effort to give you a nudge with his nose and just let you know that he's there and he loves you, no matter what!!

3. The snow. I'm not a huge fan of winter, yet there is something truly special and magical about waking up to snow. It's so pretty, and it just makes you want to have a hot chocolate, or cookies straight from the oven, or to go outside and make snow angels. 

4. Kisses from my son. He will spontaneously come up and give me a kiss. It's so sweet, and unprompted and just makes me feel loved inside, like maybe, just maybe I'm doing something right as a parent that he wants to let me know he cares.

5. Cuddling on the rocking chair. Again, with my son. He'll come snuggle so we can read a story, or watch some Backyardigans or whatever, but he just loves being close to me or his dad.

6. A husband who will help around the house. Even though he complains and makes it very clear that there are plenty of other things he'd rather be doing on his days off than clean, in the end, he does help out and now, our house is beautiful from top to bottom, and I'm grateful for that. Even if it was like pulling teeth to get the help in the first place.

7. My family. I love all my family. My parents, my brother, my grandparents, my other brother and sister, my other parents, my in-laws, my incredible aunts and uncles, my cousins. I feel so fortunate to have the family that I do. It might not be entirely normal, but I am so grateful for the relationships that I have with the people I am related to. And glad that I have had the chance to get to know some other family members better in the last little while. 

8. The care I'm getting with my pregnancy. It's been at times, stressful, yet I have an incredible doctor, one that actually has conversations with me about life, and checks in on how I'm handling the stress, and just makes me feel good as a patient. And the people at the ultrasound clinic, they are fantastic. It's nice that they are keeping a close eye on me even though everything might be fine in the end. I'm glad that we live in a country where I can get that sort of care and it doesn't cost me anything. 

9. Running. I haven't been able to run lately, but I am so glad that normally I can, and do. It's such a great way to relieve stress, sort out things in my brain and get a bit of exercise at the same time. I love races and look forward to whatever race is next up on my radar. I know that this year again, the Mother's Day race is supporting Neonatal Intensive Care, and since that cause is very obviously close to my heart, I will of course be running it again. Hopefully I might even have a personal best that race... once I can start running again, it will be one of the ones I'm training for!!

10. Prison Break. Okay, so that's lame, but hey, it's an excellent show on television and I look forward to it every week. And then, it goes by so fast. The plot is fantastic, the action is intense and the cast, well, they are all pretty attractive, especially that Wentworth Miller guy. Ah, I could look at him all day!!

There's so much more I am grateful for, but hey, it's late, I need my sleep and that's what I've got for right now. Now I'm happy. I'm also grateful that the baby to be gave me 10 good kicks tonight!!

Christmas is coming...

I am so excited for the holidays this year. Sebastian enjoyed Halloween so much, and I am just sure he is going to love Christmas this year. It's so neat that he's old enough to get excited about things now. Tonight we drove around our neighbourhood looking at Christmas lights. I realize it's only the middle of November, but within a one block radius of our house, there were at least 7 houses with lights on. How crazy is that!!

I am so grateful to have that little boy. He just makes my heart soar. I love when he comes over to me, just to give me a kiss or a hug. Tonight, as he was going to bed, he kissed my belly, so his little brother got a kiss too. He is a funny little guy too. Sometimes he'll put on his glasses upside down just cause he knows it will make us laugh. He's amazing, and he's only two and half. Oh, and his cold is almost gone too, yippee!! Only a few days on the puffers and he's practically cough free. Tomorrow I think we'll go to the library and try and find a book about someone going to the hospital, since he has that experience coming up in a couple weeks (less than that actually!!). 

And next up, is making a list for my ipod of all my favourite Christmas songs. I love this time of year. Red cups at Starbucks (filled with yummy things like Peppermint White Mochas or Chai Eggnog lattes....mmmmmm), sales, chances to watch Christmas shows on tv, decorating the Christmas tree, putting up the Christmas lights (tomorrow I hope!!), planning out Christmas cookies and other baking, and just plain having fun and enjoying the season!! 

Cold season has begun...

Sebastian did so good for not getting sick for about 6 months and of course, that was too good to last forever, and in the last couple days he has succumbed to his first cold of this season. He's still pretty much himself, but his nose is running and he coughing a lot. It's so hard to see. I know it's totally typical for this time of year but it's very frustrating. He doesn't have really strong lungs so it's really tough to watch him battling through it. Plus, last winter, he ended up with about 4 or 5 ear infections and a lung infection. It's tough because his immune system is not very strong yet so it takes him awhile to get over it. And then, he ends up with something else soon afterwards. I really hope this year isn't like last year. Sometimes the leftovers of his preemie start are not so fun!!

In other news though, his future baby brother is doing well, weighing in at around four pounds now. Is still a big baby, but now at about the 80th percentile, so the growth has slowed down a little bit anyhow, but not too much. Still getting followed closely and go back for another ultrasound in two weeks. My legs are quite puffy and swollen. It's actually kind of gross. You can push into the skin and it leaves a mark. They asked if I was working still, and I may have to stop soon, so there is more time in the day to keep my feet up!! Oh to experience the quirks of a third trimester (this is all very new to me!!).

Sebastian's new leaf...

So, Sebastian appears to have turned over a new leaf when it comes to his dayhome. On four different days now, I have dropped him off, given him a kiss, gotten a kiss from him, and been on my way with no sign of waterworks. It's fantastic!! I felt so good the first time, and now I think he's come to realize that he actually does have fun there and so he enjoys it.

On the flipside however, when Jeremy has gone to pick him up, twice he has burst into tears and been really upset that he has to leave. Jeremy felt sooooo bad!! So, Sebastian hasn't quite figured out the whole thing yet, but as the parent who mostly drops him off, I am so happy that he's no longer upset by this. Yesterday, I also picked him up (it was only a quick visit of 3 hours), and he didn't want to leave. He said "no leave Gracy's", but I took off my shoes, went inside and told him we had a play date and we had to go. So, he reluctantly agreed and we left without incident. I think maybe he just likes things to stay the same, and the switch back and forth from the dayhome to home is not entirely easy for him. Oh well, it's a huge improvement!!

And, the playdate was super fun. We went to a play group in Airdrie and Sebastian just loved it!! They had a bunch of different stations set up, including a water station, where Sebastian spent the majority of his time (he's a fish, I swear it, well, maybe a dolphin...either way, he love love love love loves playing with water). He also loved the story they read, and even ate the snack!!

Oh, and he now has new glasses. Pair number 2. Here's hoping he doesn't lose these ones!!

A milestone of sorts...

So, depending on which fancy due date calculator you use, I am now either 29 weeks pregnant or 28 weeks and 6 days. Either way, that's past the 28 weeks and 5 days that Sebastian was born at. So, every day from here on in, is an extra day. A bonus day in the womb for this child. Something my body has never experienced. 

Do I still stress? Yes, it's in the back of my mind all the time. Every cramp, ache, or something out of place puts me into a whole realm of "what if" questions. However, I am so glad that we've come this far. Hopefully nothing will happen to this child, and the problems that plagued Sebastian will be not an issue for this little guy (well, I should say big guy since this baby is so huge!!). Oh, and the gestational diabetes screen came back as normal, therefore, this is just a big baby!!

We had a lot of fun with Halloween this year. We had a party in the morning at our house, with 9 kids in attendance ranging in age from 4 months to 4 years. They played and had a good time in their costumes (rat (my little guy), unicorn, teddy bear, dragon, chef, scarecrow, jaguar, bug, and fireman). I made a worms in dirt cake for the kids and served a sort of brunch for lunch. Of course all the other kids ate, but not my silly Sebastian!! He's going through a rough eating phase again, and has become super sensitive to textures and size, nearly gagging if something is just a little bit too big. I'll see how the next week goes and if it's still like this, then we might have to put in a call to the dietician and see if they have any ideas. Maybe it's just his age, but I know preemies and textures are a challenge on a good day, so we'll see!! Anyhow, in the evening, I was working, so Jeremy was at home with Sebastian. He asked if he wanted to go out, and he said no. Then, four kids came to the door trick or treating and suddenly Sebastian wanted to go out. So they did. And he loved it!! He took in everything. Went up to the houses, rang the doorbells, said trick or treat, even wanted to go in the houses. Said thank you. He had a great time!! Got to stop by his dayhome, and then afterwards Jeremy drove over to a friend's house with a yard all decorated up. Sebastian was a little afraid of the moving skeleton pirate, but otherwise had a great time. He truly made the most of his Halloween. And wow, do people ever give two year olds a lot of candy. He (or should I say we), will be set for at least a couple of months now!!

In the meantime, the countdown is on. I have only 17 days of work left. I am really okay with that. I mean truly okay with that. My workplace is still rough on a good day, and perhaps, after these 17 days, I might never have to go back again. And if I do, then likely it would only be part time. But I don't have to worry about that right now. 

For now, I will focus on starting to prepare for Christmas. It is truly my favourite time of year. I love the baking, I love the decorations, the lights, the general more positive feeling people have for one another, choosing the perfect gifts for the important people in my life, advent calendars, Christmas Mickey dishes, decorating the tree, listening to the music, watching the tv specials, you name it, I love it. And now, there's less than 2 months until the big day!! 

Feeling the stress...

So, I thought I was doing pretty good with this pregnancy, but it turns out it really is stressing me out. Even though I know things are totally different this time, I thought I was done with being worried, but apparently that is not the case.

Take yesterday for example. I am now wondering if the baby is moving as much as it used to. I know Sebastian sort of stopped moving all together, and this guy seems to be moving way less that it used to. I go to the doctor this morning, so that will help a bit. Overall though, I just can't get out of my head the idea that things could wrong. Probably part of the problem is that we have hit the 28 week mark, and that was the week that Sebastian was born. I know it's a different pregnancy, I know that things have looked very good up until now, but I just can't shake the feeling that things could go wrong. That sucks because usually I'm a fairly positive and upbeat person, but this is seriously bringing me down a bit. 

I know I need to concentrate on things happening in my life and appreciate them, and I do, but I also have this whole thing in the background and it won't go away. My husband tries to be all nice, but I don't need to hear that everything will be all right. I need to hear that it's okay to be stressed and okay to be worried. That it's perfectly normal given our history. 

I had nightmares last night about the whole thing, when I actually fell asleep, since mostly I tossed and turned all night trying to decide if the baby was moving enough or not. It didn't help that I had a screaming headache yesterday either. At least the headache seems to be gone this morning!! And it's only a couple more hours until the doctor, and maybe she can put some of these crazy fears and worries to rest. 

In the meantime, we're going to eat breakfast now, and maybe, if I can wrap my head around how a two year old thinks (or a husband for that matter), I might be able to find Sebastian's glasses that mysteriously disappeared on Saturday when the two of them went to have a nap. 

Grizzly Bear Brown...

So, this weekend, we had some time to ourselves, as Chris and Jeff took Sebastian to the zoo on Saturday morning. They had a great time, and we were left with time to fill without a child around. We went down to MEC, searching for blue fleece pants for Sebastian, but of course they were out of his size, grrrrrr. We also looked around the Cookbook Company since they always have really neat stuff. After that, we went for lunch. We decided to go to a little diner, and put our name on the waiting list. It's super small, and there were already about 15 people waiting out front. So, while we were waiting, we went to the paint store next door, we looked around. Mostly, we were there to kill time. But, in the end, we decided to buy a can of Grizzly Bear Brown Aura paint, by Benjamin Moore. We've been wanting to paint our front room, so figured we might as well just get around and do it. We put the paint into the car, and headed back to the diner, but it was still going to be at least another half an hour, so we ended up leaving and going to Tommy Burger instead. It's a high end sort of burger eatery. It was fantastic and totally hit the spot!!

After that, we met up with the boys and just chatted for awhile. In the evening, we hung out, searching for painting tape and could not find any. We ended up sorting through one of the cupboards in our kitchen (random, I know, but that's how I clean best, hahaha). 

In the morning today, Jeremy went and got some painting tape, and we prepped the room for painting. It went very smoothly, and the paint was great. Only two coats and it looks pretty good (of course I am a little biased, since I did most of the painting). It's such a nice change!! And, the paint was low VOC, so it didn't even smell like paint in the house. Sweet!! I'd use that paint again anytime!!

Had a nice evening with Jeremy's mom coming over for dinner. Sebastian had her reading him all sorts of books!! It was nice. And that's all I've got for now!!

Yippee!!

So, I just got back from a morning of appointments. I had an ultrasound this morning. I have been a bit uneasy about this particular ultrasound because this is about the time that things went not so well with Sebastian. So, I just needed to get through this one to feel better about how things were progressing. And, things went well!! The baby is looking good. Measuring a bit on the large side as a matter of fact (95th percentile!!). That is so the completely opposite problem of last time. At this point last time, Sebastian was probably pretty close to his birth weight of 830grams, which is what this kid weighed 3 weeks ago. Now, this new kid is checking in at around 3 pounds or so (1300-1400grams). What kind of craziness is that!! It probably took Sebastian more than 2 months to get to that weight!! The doctor said that the bigger the baby, the better the outcome in the big picture, so I can't complain!! And, since this will be a c-section, it's not like I will have to get all freaked out about how a large baby will actually be born since they just cut the kid out anyways!! 

So, I followed up the ultrasound with my gestational diabetes screen. The one where you drink a super sweet soda and then wait an hour and get your blood sugars checked. I had a magazine with me, so I could pass the time, and sort of jumped the queue a little (I decided to ask if I could just drink the stuff, rather than wait for my number to come to just drink and then wait an extra hour still). And, since when I arrived, they were serving #119 and I had #143, it was a good decision. I drank my liquid, and it took well after half an hour before I would have even been called!! And, lucky for me, this lab tech got the vein on the first try. The last two times have not gone well with multiple tries being needed and lots of pokes. So I was very grateful. Nearly spoke too soon though, as the first vial filled right away, and he almost needed to poke me again to get the last 4mls. I mean, 4mls!! Geesh. Luckily, we just waited an extra minute or two and very very slowly, it filled up. This might be why I don't get on so well trying to give blood since my circulatory system seemingly has a mind of it's own!! 

Either way, the morning went well and I feel SOOOOO much better now about this pregnancy. 

A new kind of problem for me...

So, I have now passed the 27th week of my pregnancy, and I am experiencing something I never have before. A belly. I mean, I have always had a bit of an extra bit of flesh hanging around my middle, but this child truly is taking up a lot of space and pushing my belly to new limits. When I was pregnant with Sebastian, I never even changed out of my work clothes. I really only sort of looked pregnant. He was born at 28 weeks. I have been wearing maternity clothes to work now for at least 6 weeks, maybe longer, and in the last 3 weeks, my belly really popped out, to the point where it actually gets in the way. Can you imagine, I go to close a door, and misjudge how far out my belly sticks and don't have enough space to close the door without moving first. Or, trying to tie up my shoes, that is starting to become a challenge. It's scary to think I will continue to grow even bigger still, and this problem should only get worse. I am very grateful for this problem however. It means the baby is growing, and since Sebastian stopped growing at some point, I am glad that I continue to expand. It's funny that something so little actual means more because I never got to the point last time where my belly interfered with anything. So, I will continue to figure out ways to remember my belly and make accommodations so that it too fits into whatever it is I am doing!!

Solution based questioning...

I am in the middle of a hostage negotiation conference right now and I am just loving it. Truly. I have learned so much in the last two days, and still have another entire day to learn yet. It is fantastic. We've been going through some speakers doing case studies on various types of negotiations and it's so interesting. But also, there are some speakers there to offer more skills for your tool box. 

Today for example, the life coach was all about Solution Based Negotiating. It was amazing. How to turn the most negative things into opportunities for reflection and hope. It's a total shift in how to think about things and an amazing way to develop a relationship with someone in crisis. Yet, as the session progressed, it seemed to me, this is truly a skill that should be used in every day life, and not just in crisis. A shift in perspective. Taking an otherwise negative statement and finding a way to get something out of it. For example, if someone tells you their life is screwed up, rather than saying "wow, so I see you aren't happy with your life, that is too bad", you could try something like this "you are telling me that you aren't happy with your life, which makes it clear to me you'd like things to be different". Doesn't that sound so much more engaging? Okay, maybe I'm not quite getting the message across the way the speaker did, but it's sort of like that anyhow. What a huge difference it could make to how people address things. I'm going to work on this in my personal life I think!!

Ramblings from a way to busy life...

I am not really sure what to type today, but haven't actually typed anything in awhile so thought I should come up with something. Life has been busy lately. I thought it was supposed to slow down after the Labour Day weekend, but it is not really showing any signs of stopping. Now, that's okay. I don't mind being busy, but I would sure like some down time to try and get things a little more organized around the house for when the baby arrives. I have some serious decluttering I want to accomplish, but not really the time to do it lately. Now, assuming this baby stays healthy, I will have a month before the baby arrives, but if this baby happens to make an early arrival like Sebastian did, then that would not quite be the case. So, I'm hoping for the longer pregnancy, since that is better for the baby anyways, and gives me time to get organized in December. Of course in December I'll be busy with Christmas cards and baking, and planning a Christmas party and that sort of thing, but hey, maybe I can squeeze in a few minutes here and there to declutter, or get the next room ready for the baby or something like that!!

I'm excited though, as my plans for volunteering at the hospital are starting to fall into place again. There was a wonderful parents group with the Neonatal Unit, but then some staffing changes sort of derailed the whole thing, so the parents who are left and still want to help are only now finding the opportunity again. Oh well, better late than never I suppose!!

Sebastian continues to be fun and I enjoy spending time with him. We had a very lazy morning today, but did manage to play outside a bit before lunch. Now if only I could get myself motivated while he's napping to clean up around here. But, the idea of a nap is sounding awfully good right about now (being tired is pretty normal with pregnancy, right??). 

Oh well, I'm counting down the days until Bolt comes out. It's a new Disney movie and I will take Sebastian to it. It is about a puppy so it's absolutely perfect!!

And I am enjoying the fall tv season. Trying not to spend too much time on shows. But enjoying the ones I do watch. Grey's Anatomy, Law and Order SVU, Biggest Loser (which, at the moment has me finding high calorie snacks to enjoy as I watch these people toil away to lose pounds... but hey, I won't be toiling away at my weight until about the end of February, so might as well give myself extra pounds to take off, hahaha). 

In the meantime, I love my Sigg water bottle. When we were in the mountains a couple weeks ago, I got a new top for it, and love it way more than the one it came with. Today, Sebastian and I were sipping out of our Sigg bottles together. He has a mini one with puppies, and I have a bit bigger one with a map of the world on it. 

A super fantastic day...

I loved today. I loved so many things about it. It was a day off, that helps. But Sebastian and I had plans!! We slept in a bit (oops!!), but were dressed and ready for early intervention. The visit was fantastic. She brought some activities she thought might be too advanced for him, but he rocked them all!! And he was so conversational and it went great. 

Once that appointment was over, we headed up to a nearby park. The weather was perfect. It was nice and sunny, and the temperature was great. I got to visit with a friend who treated me to a Starbucks (how much better can a day get really when you get a nice hot chai to drink while chatting). Sebastian did well at the park and even interacted and followed the other boys. Not to mention the part where my friend's little guy came running over to Sebastian shouting out his name when we arrived. And, we timed the visit perfectly, because not long after getting home, some freak wind and rain storm blew in. 

Sebastian ate really well, and although fought the nap a little, eventually went to sleep (the threat of missing swimming was apparently a good one). And while he was napping, I got to work on some photos of him and some playlists for my ipod (ah, adult time!!). He got up, we played, snacked and then headed off for swimming lessons. The lessons were okay, except for the part where some older child pooped in the pool so aside from some time in the hot tub, there was no lesson really. Oh well, Sebastian and his dad had a few minutes in the hot tub anyhow!!

Dinner was good (he really did eat amazing today!!). Then I coloured with him, read stories, gave him a bath and we had a snack while watching the Backyardigans. He was so well behaved today and we just had a fun day together. It's one of the best days I have had with him. We were best buddies today and I love that he's old enough now to truly have fun with. Now I'm just waiting for him to be old enough for lego... then, I tell you, the fun will be even more!!

What a wonderful world it could be...

So, my work life has been frustrating me so much lately that it got me wondering what would happen if people who were promoted really were the best people for the job. Now, I'm not saying that all of the management types out there are bad, but it seems so many times, that the person that advances, it not the best person for the job, but rather the person who did the most sucking up or brown nosing, or whatever you want to call it, while the really hard dedicated workers, were too busy working to suck up. 

What would happen, if the people who were the most dedicated and best workers actually got promoted. The ones who understand the day to day operation. The ones who "get it". If these were the people in positions of power, I think most companies would run so much better. It's just a thought. I know it will never happen, ever, but hey, it never hurts to imagine what could be!!

The new glasses...

Well, my little guy has his glasses now. It is a challenge sometimes to keep them on his face, but we're working on it. It's only been a few days so far!! 

It was nice to have a weekend off with not much to do. As a result, we got a few things done around the house, like clean out our freezer, and fridge (it's amazing how much food goes to the freezer to never be seen again!!). Oh well, we'll start over and see how long it takes to accumulate stuff again!! Or maybe this time we'll actually be on top of things. 

On Sunday we had company for dinner and that was great. We had great company and got in some great visiting. The kids played well together, and Sebastian actually even interacted with them for a bit (huge for him, since he's usually in his own little world). 

On Monday, I wasn't feeling very good, so Jeremy stayed home and took Sebastian for his surgery consult. It went well. Sebastian will need surgery, but it's a quick 20 minute operation that is only day surgery. Now that he is bigger, his risks of the surgery are no different than anyone else, so that was good to hear. It definitely has to be done, but unless anything changes, it isn't super urgent, so likely sometime before Christmas. We'll know more when they call with the date. We already have all the literature about it and Jeremy filled out all the forms at the hospital. 

I have a new book that I borrowed from the library (thanks Jeremy for picking that up). It's called, My Sister's Keeper. It's about a girl who was conceived so she could be a perfect stem cell match for her sick sister. As she gets older, she decides she doesn't want to just be her sister's keeper anymore, and that she wants to make her own decisions about her body. I think it will be really interesting, and so far I'm quite enjoying it. 

Oh, and yesterday at the ultrasound, the baby was weighing about 800 grams (very close to Sebastian's birthweight of 830grams). Baby is looking healthy and doing well. That was really good to hear. Except, how embarrassing is this...I was not feeling well, and ended up throwing up halfway through the exam. It was awful (but wow, I felt better after that!!). Not sure what was up with me, maybe a flu, or maybe food poisoning. Either way, it was not the funnest day on record!!

Today however, I'm feeling better, and actually ate food again. Plus, today I get to hang out with Sebastian. I think we'll go play at the bouncy castle, maybe stop by the library, have some lunch, read some stories, play with the piano, and then of course, swimming lessons!! So, I have full confidence, that the two of us hanging out will have a good time!! 

Pineapples, peppers and bananas...

I just got back from the neatest training. I was in a small town a couple hours away learning about public safety and crowd control. However, rather than just theory, this training was hands on and practical. I was able to dispatch units who were doing scenarios with unruly crowds. It was interesting because I was dispatching from a van that was parked so we could actually see what was happening. Normally, as a dispatcher, I am in a room far removed from the action, and only have contact with the units via radio. In this case, because it was training, we got to be right beside the action. It was so educational and interesting, and practical in terms of some of the events I have dispatched for. I learned a whole new vocabulary and saw this vocabulary in action. So, in the future, if I'm dispatching for an event where crowds are a concern, I will understand what actions are being taken and what is involved. 

It was also nice to be included in training that directly involved the police. Since our centre has been taken over, we almost never have opportunities anymore for this type of thing, so this was definitely a treat. It is also neat because you get to put faces to some of the names that you've been dispatching for but never met. 

Maybe next year I'll volunteer to be part of the unruly crowd. Then, I'd be throwing rotten fruit, and shouting things and pretending to be a disgruntled activist. The ultimate make believe really (except for the part where you might get thrown to the ground or arrested for your actions!!). Oh well, at least it's only pretend!! It's fun doing this type of work. I've done it before with another unit and just loved it. It almost seems like you are in the middle of a movie or something. 

Either way, it cements the fact that I don't ever want to be part of a real life crowd that is unruly. The end result might not be so pretty, and although training is fun, in real life, it's not something I aspire to. For some reason, a criminal record is just not something I ever really want to have!!

when it rains, it pours...

Okay, so of course I was a bit ticked off about Sebastian needing glasses, but I've come to accept that. But now, I also need to come to terms with the fact that Sebastian might need to have surgery to repair a small leak in his abdomen. 

Let me back up a couple steps. On Friday, we noticed that one of Sebastian's testicles was a little swollen. We didn't think too much of it, looked it up online, then went to sleep. In the morning it was back to normal, so we figured all was well, but by mid afternoon, it was swollen again. So, that night we put a call into our nursing centre to ask what we should do and if it was serious. They advised us to have him seen at the hospital within four hours. We packed up the little guy, along with some books, toys and a stroller and headed out. We arrived a little after 9pm. Of course it was busy and we knew we'd be waiting awhile. We went for snacks, then came back, read some stories, and eventually Sebastian fell asleep. We did not really want him touching any of the toys in the ER since he's already prone to illness and germs spread like wildfire in a place like that. After another checkup with the triage nurse, we are moved up the list and a little after 1 in the morning, we are seen by a doctor. The doctor said that he had some sort of fluid accumulating, likely because of a leak allowing fluid into the scrotum. He referred us for an ultrasound on Monday and referred us to a consult with surgery. 

On Monday, he had the ultrasound, and then they made us go back to the ER to get the results. I questioned whether it was needed since we were being referred to surgery, but they said, yes, so back to triage we went, and about 3 hours later, were finally seen by a doctor. The doctor said, yes, there is fluid, on both sides, and we had already been referred to surgery, so that was it. Grrrrrr...I waited 3 hours to find out what I already knew!!

So, today, I made an appointment with surgery. We are being referred to the same doctor that performed the hernia repair on him back when he was three months old. I figured I would call rather than waiting to hear from them. And, they have us booked in for next week. So, I don't know what will happen for sure, but I do know that they will have to watch it closely in case a piece of bowel slips into the scrotum. That would potentially be life threatening, so it will have to be dealt with and followed closely. Will he need surgery? We don't know. The ER doctor said she'd leave that to the surgeon to talk to us about. 

I'm a little scared. I remember giving Sebastian to the nurse when he was three months old for surgery, wearing his green little scrubs and all (see photo above). It was tough then, but now, he's this amazing little boy, and the idea of turning him over to the doctors seems even scarier!! I know they are only doing what is best for him, but I still think I will be all full of tears and stuff!! I just have to put on a brave face for my little man. Of course maybe it won't even have to be a surgery, but if it is...

Shopping for glasses...

So, my son had an appointment the other day with his opthamalogist. She is the doctor that did the surgery on him when he was three months old to correct the ROP (retinopathy of prematurity), that he had. Basically, this is where the blood vessels on the eye don't grow properly and threaten to pull the retina off, thus causing blindness, so the surgery was very needed. She has watched him very closely since then (at first every week, and slowly it's become longer between visits to the point now where it's about every 6-7 months). She has warned us that he will likely need glasses, but so far has managed to avoid them.

All that changed this week though!! We have a prescription for glasses for him. My little boy, only 2 years old, will be getting glasses. Now, I know, in the big huge scheme of things, glasses are pretty minor, but it still upset me a little. Basically, it's like his preemieness has come back to haunt him. So, if my little guy decides he wants to be a pilot someday, he can't. He's two, and certain opportunities will now be taken away from him simply because he was born early and ended up needing glasses at such a young age. It angers me because I want the world to be available to him, and I feel bad that some things for him will now be limited.

How does he go swimming now? He'll have to wear his glasses!! Little things like that. And what if other kids make fun of him because of his glasses. I don't want him to have to worry about that!! I know in the big picture of his life, needing glasses is a very small thing, but as his mom, I feel like I maybe failed him a little, and maybe had things gone differently, he would be just fine. In reality, I know that we are simply lucky to have him, and that glasses are just a small little battle scar from the trauma he ensured when he was fighting for his life. So, yes, I am grateful that it's only a small issue, but it still doesn't mean I can't be a little grumpy about it!! Here's hoping we find a cute pair for him!!

Which way to go...

I have been thinking a lot lately about various different career options. As we await the arrival of our second child (who's heart beat was completely normal this week...yippee!!), I know that I will have time off to enjoy with both my kids, but after that, I'm not sure how I want to proceed. I know that I want to work, and do something, but the problem is, there are so many things I want to do!!

I could stay doing what I do, after all, I enjoy the work, but there's just no real room to expand and do much else.

I could quit working all together and stay at home with the kids. That might be fun, but I really do like working, and I know that when I'm done working, I'm a better mom to my son because I have been away from him. I could go part time, and that might work out well, but I also wonder if maybe it's time to find something else. The tough part is what might that something else be!!

I'd love to go back to school, maybe law school, or nursing, or fine arts of some kind. But I think that it really isn't the right time for that.

I could start some kind of business, but I'm not sure what that would be. I'd love to do photography, as I truly love that. Or maybe something else, just not sure.

And then there's the option of applying to be a police officer. It's been in the back of my mind for more than 7 years now. I even went so far as to have the eye surgery to meet the vision requirement. There are so many different areas to work in and I think I would do really well at this. Part of the reason I hadn't applied yet, was because I wanted to have kids first. Well, I've done that, so now (well, a few months from now) there's nothing stopping me from applying. Except maybe fear that I won't be fast enough for the physical requirements, or that I just don't have what they're looking for. I know, I just need to be confident and apply. If they didn't want me, then at least I tried, but if I don't apply, I might always wonder, what if...

Does the Y chromosome lack a cleaning gene?

Okay, now, most of the time, I am quite happy with most everything in my life. I try and make the most of every day and have fun with whatever I'm doing. Now, I know cleaning isn't fun, but it has to be done and really, there's no reason to complain about it, but rather just get it done so you can get on with enjoying real life!!

So, ever since I got back from California, I've been working extra hard to try and get our house back to being somewhat clean again. My husband claims I left it in disarray (not true, since my mom was staying there and I know I cleaned up before she got there!!). So, each day I've been doing bits and pieces. Every now and then, I ask for his help, and it's sort of like pulling teeth. If it's his day off, he doesn't want to spend his day off cleaning, if it's a day he is working, then he's too tired to do any cleaning. And, if he reluctantly agrees to clean anything, he'll spend the entire time moaning about how much he hates cleaning and how really it's me who makes all the messes etc etc etc. It drives me insane!! I mean, cleaning is not that much fun in the first place, but it's even less fun with someone complaining the whole time while you are doing it!!

The other night I set the timer for 15 minutes and said, let's just work on the kitchen. Well, by the time the timer went off (add a few extra minutes), the kitchen was in awesome shape, and I was so glad he helped. He still did complain through most of it, but hey, we got tons accomplished. Of course when I suggested we set a timer the next day and clean something else, he proceeded to tell me he was not a child and didn't need to be told what to do!!

So, I have no idea how to ask him to help with the cleaning without sounding like I'm nagging, and without having to do most of it myself. I know he hates cleaning, but so do most people. It's a neccessary evil, so let's just do it and get it overwith. I'm so happy that we're caught up again, especially since Jeremy's sister is visiting this weekend, but I just dread as we start again, and having to hear the same arguments about how terrible cleaning is...really, does the broken record ever stop?? Or maybe it's me, for wanting a clean house so that if unexpected company just dropped by, I wouldn't be embarrassed to have them there. What's a girl to do!!

The Disneyland Half Marathon Experience...

So, if you have ever wondered what it's like to finish a half marathon, I will fill you in. I finished the Disneyland Half Marathon on Sunday. The morning began around 3am. It's tough getting up that early, and that's my least favourite part of these big races. We caught the bus from our hotel around 3:30am and were soon walking through Downtown Disney to get to the place where you hang out until it's time to move to the starting corrals. We hung out for about an hour sitting on the pavement of a parking lot while the little green army men from Toy Story walked around entertaining people. Around 5am, it was time to head to the starting corrals (A-G). We were in Corral F.

The race started promptly at 6am. I crossed the starting line about 24 minutes after the race had begun (that's what happens in a field of 13500 runners). I made a last minute decision to visit the portapotty on the way to the start line (and there wasn't even a line up for them!!). The start had no fireworks, but did have some fancy flame things and of course Mickey and Minnie. Soon after crossing the start line, we were running under the monorail and Goofy, Donald, Chip and Dale were waving at us from the monorail.

My heart rate was pretty high, so soon in, I started walking. My shins were absolutely killing me. I was watching my heart rate closely since I was running with a child onboard and didn't want to over exert myself. At mile 1, I was doing okay. Soon after, we were heading into California Adventure. I stopped to get photos with the characters along the way (a bug's life, Buzz and Woody, Brother Bear). We could see the people in front of us who had already cleared Paradise Bay. By the time I cleared it, there were hardly any people behind me. This made me panic just a bit. Since I was walking most of the time, I could only go so fast.

We came out of California Adventure and crossed over to Disneyland. It was fantastic running through Tomorrowland. I got pictures with Pinnochio, Nemo, in front of Sleeping Beauty's Castle etc. Again I was made aware of how few people were behind me. At the 4 mile mark, I ran into the pace crew for the first time, telling me I was 10 minutes ahead of the cutoff time. This made me panic huge time so I put in bits of running, but as soon as my heart rate went up, I had to back off to walking. At mile 5, I was 9 minutes off. At mile 6, 8 minues off and decided I didn't want to keep seeing them. Mile 7, I was 7 minutes off the cut off. I then ran on any downhills I came across or shady bits. It was effective and I never saw the pace crew again.

The section from mile 4 to mile 8 was tough because there was not much to see. There were several bands and cheerleading squads, and they were fantastic. The kids were cheering & kept me motivated.

At about 8.5 miles, I approached the Honda Centre. This is where the Anaheim Mighty Ducks play. Coming through the parking lot, there were lots of spectators cheering us on, including a 4H group. Next up, we joined a dirt path, & you caould smell the dirt in the air. It was along side a river, but there was not one drop of water in the river. Soon was mile 9 and the Clif Shots stop. This was the third gel I had, as I was having one every 3 miles to keep me and the baby hydrated and nourished.

Next up was Angel Stadium. There were huge numbers of spectators there and tons of girl scout and boy scout troops. It was very inspiring. There was an announcer saying we had reached the 10 mile marker but it was forever after we passed him that we actually got to the 10 mile marker. Grrr... I hate it when people tell you that you are somewhere, but then really you have about another half mile to go!! By mile 11, my feet were feeling heavy, but I kept plugging along.

At 12 miles, I took my last gel, and soon we were back inside California Adventure again. I took a photo of the Tower of Terror, and then stopped for pictures with Monsters, Inc, Mrs. Incredible and Ratatouille. From there, I ran through Downtown Disney (loving the air conditioning from the open doors we ran past), then turned the corner at mile 13 for the final stretch.

I finished in 3 hours, 29 minutes, and 42 seconds. This was only 18 seconds less than the official cut off time. Nothing like cutting it a little close!! More than 400 people finished after me though. I was so excited to be under the official time though, and knowing that many people finished after me meant that I passed a lot of people, since at mile 2, there were less than 50 people behind me!! And, I did most of the race walking, looking out for my little guy. I earned my castle medal and the coast-to-coast medal (for having also completed a race in Florida in January). It felt so good to finish!!

It's been a busy racing year. I mentored with Team In Training for 2 seasons, completed 3 half marathons, one marathon, was part of a team for the Banff/Jasper Relay, the Mother's Day 10km (in support of Neonatal Intensive Care), the Ronald Mcdonald House Rock the House run, and still have the EMS Ambulance Chasers coming up in October. I know I'll be taking it easy for a few months after this, but I'm already looking ahead for races for next year. I'm thinking maybe Seattle, or San Francisco, or perhaps maybe I'll move into the world of triathlons. Time will tell I suppose, but I have to keep following my dreams!!

I found them!!

Okay, so in January, I was down in Florida for the Disney Marathon Weekend. I ran both the Half Marathon and Full Marathon. By doing both, I got a Donald Medal (for the half), Mickey Medal (for the full marathon), and a Goofy medal for being crazy enough to attempt them both. A month later, I got an email saying if I did the Disneyland Half Marathon in September, I'd get a special Coast-to-Coast medal for doing races at both parks. I didn't give it much thought as we had spent lots of money going to Florida and had a super time and another trip wasn't very likely. But then, my sister said she was going to go to Disneyland to do this run, and was I interested as well? Of course I was, but again, it didn't seem likely. I mentioned it to Jeremy and he thought it was a great idea and that I should go and get to know my sister and brother (both half siblings that I never knew growing up). Jeremy entered me into the race and I was set.

Well, fast forward to yesterday. Obviously the race is over, and by the narrow margain of 18 seconds, I finished the race in the official allotted amount of time. I earned my castle medal and the coast-to-coast medal. So, now, I wanted to see all the medals together, but I wasn't sure where my Florida medals were. Sebastian sometimes plays with them, so really, they could have been anywhere. I began looking around a few days ago, but no luck. I was starting to be a bit worried that perhaps they were lost forever (and the work it took to get them is not easily repeated!!). Last night, I began searching more intently, going through boxes and closets and wouldn't you know it, they were in a box in the closet in our office. I was soooooo excited. I layed them all out and admired my hard work. They are pretty neat looking and I'm not sure when I will get the chance again to do those same races in the same year. Thank goodness I found them, because that made my night.

However, the night was even better because while searching for the medals, I also came across a box of cd's that I have been trying to find for a few months as well. It contained some songs I really wanted to put on my ipod, and since have. Bruce Springsteen, They Might Be Giants, Disney's Candlelight Processional, and the song I wanted most of all "Affirmation" by Savage Garden. It's such a great song that has such a great life message that I truly try and live by. If you get a chance, have a listen, you'll see what I mean!!

Running fixes everything!!

So, I stopped in at the doctor today to double check on the baby's heart rate. And... it was awesome!! There were no skipped beats and nothing irregular about it!! I was so incredibly happy. Now, I know, it doesn't mean everything is fixed, but it sure was a relief that there wasn't any issue today, and that the heart rate itself, is exactly where it should be (146 today). The baby was moving lots so it took a few tries before he got a solid 10 seconds in a row, but it was music to my ears!! 

My theory, it was the half marathon. I ran the Disneyland half marathon on Sunday (more on that later), and basically spend 3 1/2 hours with my heart rate at a solid 145 beats a minute on average. So, I figure, I was sort of teaching the baby where his heart rate should be and he is a quick study!! I know, it probably had nothing to do with it, but hey, exercise is good for me and the baby, and look, the heart rate today was normal!! So now, I am excited for the appointments next week and not so scared anymore!!

Beverly Hills and Hollywood and Cut...

I just got back from an amazing trip to California. It was the first time I have been away from Sebastian for more than a night. It was fantastic though. I went down there with my half brother and half sister. It was so much fun getting to know them a bit better and of course, being in California wasn't half bad either!! So, I'll talk about the first day, and leave it at that for now...

On the first day I got there, Ryan and Kim picked me up from the airport and we went straight to Beverly Hills. We stopped at a neat shopping centre that was like an outdoor mall above a parkade. I have not seen anything like this, but it was very neat. I needed to eat, so grabbed a burger from Fuddruckers. It was sooooo tasty!! After that we wandered around checking out the shops. I found an Elmo computer game for Sebastian and some clothes for Jeremy. Next up we drove around Beverly Hills. Kim bought a map to the stars homes, so we plugged different addresses into the tomtom (thanks Chris), and found our way to the homes of Tom Cruise, Courtney Cox, Jennifer Aniston etc. It was lots of fun!! After that, we headed to Rodeo Drive. Kim and Ryan grabbed some lunch at a little Mexican eatery and then we had Sprinkles cupcakes for dessert (for those of you in Calgary, think Crave, only it has been around much longer, perhaps the inspiration for Crave). I had a pumpkin cupcake with cream cheese icing. Yum, yum, yum. We wandered down Rodeo Drive and then back up the street we could actually afford. It was neat. 

We still had some time before dinner so we headed for Hollywood. We went to the Kodak theatre, saw the Hollywood sign, Grauman's theatre with all the handprints of the stars, the walk of fame with the stars of the stars, the place where they film the Jimmy Kimmel show, and finally stopped for sodas and floats at the Disney Soda Pop shop. They were delicious. It was a weird store though, half Disney merchandise, and half this soda shop. Disney also has a movie theatre right beside as well.

Finally, it was time to head out for our fancy dinner. We were eating at Cut, which is a fancy steakhouse by the famous chef Wolfgang Puck. Previously, I've eaten at his Spago restaurant, as well as his cafe's in the airports. Always good food, and of course, expected nothing less this evening. The restaurant was inside the Wilshire hotel (same hotel from Pretty Woman). We valet parked our ford mustang and headed in. Chris and Jeff had gone there in July and raved about it, so we were quite excited. We got the menu and knew it wasn't going to be a cheap dinner (we knew that ahead of time, but this confirmed it, haha). We got various recommendations from the server and then went about our decisions. 

Okay, so this is a pretty high end steak house. They bring out the meat for you to look at, so you can see the difference in the various cuts etc. They serve Kobe beef from Japan, as well as a hybrid US version of Kobe as well as just plain old aged steak. I decided on the hybrid Kobe US version filet. But to start I had an asparagus salad with warm bacon dressing and poached egg. It was amazing. Kim had a salad of sorts and Ryan had a tomato salad. To go with the steaks, we chose pureed potatoes, sweet corn and onion rings. All the sides were fabulous and the steak itself was absolutely amazing. Probably one of the best steaks I have ever had in my life. We also got sauces for the sides. Bernaise sauce, wasabi butter, some mustards and a red wine sauce. They all went fantastic with the steaks. 

And then there was dessert. Ryan ordered an angel food cake with berries and ice cream. Kim ordered a banana creme brulee pie, and I had a chocolate soufflee that came with creme fraiche, chocolate sauce and ice cream on the side. They were all fantastic. 

It was about this time that Kim had gone to the bathroom, and on the way back came across Jerry Springer. We had all been excited about possibly spotting a celebrity of some sort and who it might be. Well, Jerry Springer wasn't really anyone's first choice, but it was still pretty neat. He was hanging out in the lobby waiting for his dinner guests to join him. 

Well, not too long after that, we were almost ready to leave, still entranced by the meal and everything, when I notice a chef come in. I said, "hey, I think that's Wolfgang Puck". We have about 3 or 4 Wolfgang Puck cookbooks and have made many of his recipes. I have also eaten at his other restaurant, Spago, in both Beverly Hills and Las Vegas along with the faster food version of his food at the airports. I have been a big fan of his for many years, and was so very excited to see him. Moments later, he was at our table asking how dinner was. It was so neat!! I was beside myself with excitement. Not only did we see Jerry Springer, but now we had actually met the owner of the restaurant himself, Wolfgang!! A few minutes later, we were almost ready to leave and asked the waiter to take a photo of the three of us. He agreed and suggested perhaps we'd want to have the chef in the picture, so, not only did we meet Wolfgang Puck, he also came back for a photo with us. I was beyond happy!!

So, how much does eating in a place like this cost, you might be wondering? Well, for 3 of us, the bill itself came to $482!! That's in US dollars. So, it was definitely one of the more expensive meals I have ever had in my life, but like the commercials say, dinner $482, enjoying an evening with family and meeting the chef that started the place, priceless!!

A jumble of things...

So, yesterday we had our routine ultrasound for our new little munchkin. Of course, nothing seems to be routine with me, and first thing, we get taken into an office with the door closed. They wanted to know my history and about our first child. They discussed the first pregnancy, then asked if we had a child at home. I swear, Sebastian really is a miracle, because this is the third time that we've been asked about whether or not the child made it (and sort of most of the doctors seem to figure he probably didn't). So that was interesting. We did the ultrasound, and then of course, had to meet with the doctor afterwards. Surprise surprise, things are not going along as simple as we'd like. Grrrrrr...very frustrating, because really, I just want this baby to be healthy. Needless to say, the heartbeat is irregular, to the point that we have to go back in two weeks to get it checked on again, and likely about that often from here on in. Now, don't get me wrong. I truly am grateful that we are being watched closely, and obviously getting the care we need, I just wish there wasn't any issues to worry about. This is the second doctor to now mention the possibility of meds, so we'll see what happens in two weeks. Aside from the heartbeat issues though, the baby looks great. The heart itself looks great, we just have to figure out why it keeps misfiring (she used plenty more elaborate words, but that about sums it up). So, as long as that can sort itself out (which it very well could without any intervention), then things are looking good (oh, and did I mention this doctor also went over the first child and asked about his wellness and complications??). I think Sebastian really did the medical community proud and surprised a lot of people, and for that I am so grateful!!

Now, tomorrow, I leave for California. I am so excited. It will be so strange being away from Sebastian, but I think I will have fun. And I know I can call and check on him. Sometimes he will even chat on the phone a bit. I'm going with my half brother and half sister, and we're going to do the Disneyland Half Marathon together. It sounds like they might even stick with me, even though I will just be plugging along at a slow pace. So, we should have a fantastic time (how can you not eating at a Wolfgang Puck restaurant, playing at Disneyland and shopping on Rodeo Drive!!).

Oh, and Prison Break starts again next week. I couldn't be more excited for a tv show to resume. This is of course, the show that stars Wentworth Miller. He's so beautiful to look at. And, his romantic love interest will be back. Seriously, if you have never seen the show, it's great. I highly recommend it!! Oh, and speaking of good tv, there's a new Canadian show called Flashpoint, that basically follows a SWAT team type of thing. It's incredibly well done, and if you didn't know any better, you'd guess it was from one of the big US networks (and that says a lot!!). So it's another one to check out, and if you are from Canada, you can check out the episodes on www.ctv.ca . It's worth a look.

And finally, only 535 days until the Winter Olympics start. I love the winter olympics so much more than the summer ones. So, I can hardly wait. Added bonus they are in Canada, but still.... now if only I can figure out a way to be a part of the torch relay...

The Disney half marathon is approaching...

I leave for Disneyland on Wednesday, and I am so excited. I am heading there with my half brother and half sister. I didn't really grow up with them, so this is a neat opportunity for us to get to know each other and have fun at the happiest place on earth. On the Sunday, we'll be running the Disneyland Half Marathon. I am especially excited for this race. It should be fun. I only hope I can run/walk fast enough to finish in the allotted time.

Today, I ran 7km, and it went well. If I keep a similar pace to today, then I will easily make it. I can't go too fast though, because I don't want my heart rate climbing too high and I don't want to get overheated.

I tried buying some maternity exercise clothes today, but the store I went to only had pants and long sleeve yoga type stuff. I wanted shorts and a tank top of sorts. I did find a cool Bella Belt thing though. It's basically a piece of spandex that goes around your belly. It offers a bit of support and keeps your belly from being exposed, so in the end, it might work perfectly with the clothes I already have.

Now if only I could find the time for a haircut!!

Wentworth Miller is hot...

I think Wentworth Miller is incredibly hot. He has these absolutely mesmerizing eyes and I just love him. If ever there was a day pass, I think it would be him. I love watching Prison Break, just so I can see him. It's great. Now, I know, people have been saying his preference might not be for the female half of the species, but hey, it still doesn't change how hot he is. And it doesn't change the fact that I enjoy the simple pleasure of looking at him. He is my eye candy. And, he's beautiful eye candy. And the show starts again on September 1st. If you haven't watched it, I'd highly recommend it. It's great. The storyline is fantastic, and the love interest might actually be back again this year (and it's a great subplot).

Occupation identity crisis...

So tonight I came into work for overtime. I started out answering calls for Fire/EMS, but it became apparent that the Police side was short, so I was moved over there. The first few times I tried to answer the phone, I couldn't do it properly. I didn't know what to say. I screwed it up royally. Kind of sad that I have done this job for 7 years, yet I haven't answered a police call in two months, and I couldn't even answer it correctly. Well, eventually I settled into it and got it figured out. It was not as fun as I thought though, and completely nonstop. There was no downtime at all. I was exhausted after only 4 hours of that. Thank goodness I got to dispatch for the second half of the shift. Instantly, I was much more comfortable than I was on the phones. It was a real eye opener to see how quickly things become foreign after only being gone for two months. And, balancing a different computer set up was another challenge (and the fact that the computer didn't even accept me as a person anymore). Oh well. I will figure it out, and reclaim my ability to do both jobs, but it's sad that so quickly things were almost a challenge!!

The very cool husband...

So, two really good things happened today. The first was that my very cool husband took my vision and turned it into a reality. I was thinking that I no longer want to store cleaning products under our sink, so that I don't have to worry about my son getting himself into trouble, and thought we could build a shelf on the landing of the stairs. Well, he took my idea and ran with it. And built a set of 3 shelves. It's amazing!! And it's out of the way so nobody will bang their head, and high enough up that Sebastian won't be able to reach it until he's about 10 or so. And it looks so good!! I was very impressed!! He's a genius really.

The other thing that happened was I read about "unwaiting". Now I mentioned before that my pregnancy is having a bit of a tough time. Unfortunately it is something completely out of my control and that I can't do anything to fix. All I can do is wait, and hope that everything resolves itself. This, of course, is easier said than done. Well, I was reading about people who adopt and how they get through the waiting periods, and one family worked very hard to control their impatience and frustration. Rather than concentrate on the negatives, they did their best to simply enjoy what time they had before their life changed forever. I think that is a great attitude.I know I have know control over what's going on with my pregnancy, so rather than dwell on what could happen, I should just enjoy the time I have with Sebastian and Jeremy before the newest member of our family decides to join us. I can't make time go by any faster and I can't change what's happening, so really, I will just enjoy what I have and try my best to not dwell on the scary side of things. It might be easier said than done, but it's certainly worth the effort to try!!

And here's what happened at dinner last night (I posted on the family blog too, but it was just too cute not to pass on).

Mom: Sebastian, how old are you?
Sebastian: Two.
Mom: How old is dad?
Sebastian: Too old.
Mom: No, he's thirty-one.
Dad: How old is mom?
Sebastian: Too old.

What a funny guy he is!!

Trying to get out of the doomsday scenario...

I'm in a bit of a weird place right now. I was at the doctor yesterday for a checkup, to see how our little flutterbug is doing, and low and behold, things are not exactly perfect. I know, it's not a surprise given what happened with Sebastian, yet I still had to hope and believe that maybe things would go smoother this time. Apparently, that is not the case. Apparently, kids start teaching you at a very early age, that you are at their every whim and you might as well worry right from the start. I know it's life, to worry about your kids, but I really hate the added stress of the unknown. 

Oh, and the other thing that drives me insane is how the medical community always finds it necessary to bring up the worst case scenario. I know that most of the time, the worst case doesn't happen, yet there is always such a huge focus on the worst case. I remember this vividly from Sebastian's birth. One number on the labs would be out of whack, and they are already trying to figure out, what the cause is and how to treat it. I remember when they gave us the option of having Sebastian that day, it was not a very pretty picture that they painted. If we chose to continue the pregnancy, our child would die, but if we chose to have the child, the chances of him surviving were slim, and if he did survive, the chances of him having major issues in life were huge. To date, he's two. And, aside from his sucky immune system, which will slowly improve, he is not really showing any signs of significant problems. This is much different than what they told us. Now, I know they have to prepare you for the worst, but why is it, when you are being told of the worst, it's almost all you can think about? 

I will try to be positive and not worry, but it's virtually impossible to do. I find it so tough that there is nothing I can do to change what's happening and that all I can do, is sit, wait and hope for the best. It's tough when things are out of your control.

Books paint this beautiful picture of what it is like to be pregnant. Reality, however, is not as simple as these books make it out to be. It's like you aren't allowed to talk about the tough parts of pregnancy. You should just gloss it over and act like everything is fine. After all, we don't want to scare the ones coming along after us. But everything is not always fine. Why is it though, that nobody really shares the scary parts. I certainly can't forget them and if someone else is going through a similar situation, would gladly offer a shoulder to lean on (or let's face it, cry on), since it's something that nobody tells you about ahead of time!!

Oh well, I will stop now. I don't want to be all doom and gloom. There is still a great possibility that no real issue will present itself, but in the meantime, I will work to be positive and concentrate on that likelihood, rather than focussing on what might happen. It just makes it hard to enjoy being pregnant!! I guess I'll just put on a cute pregnancy top and make like everything is fine. Grrrr!!