Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Trying to get out of the doomsday scenario...

I'm in a bit of a weird place right now. I was at the doctor yesterday for a checkup, to see how our little flutterbug is doing, and low and behold, things are not exactly perfect. I know, it's not a surprise given what happened with Sebastian, yet I still had to hope and believe that maybe things would go smoother this time. Apparently, that is not the case. Apparently, kids start teaching you at a very early age, that you are at their every whim and you might as well worry right from the start. I know it's life, to worry about your kids, but I really hate the added stress of the unknown. 

Oh, and the other thing that drives me insane is how the medical community always finds it necessary to bring up the worst case scenario. I know that most of the time, the worst case doesn't happen, yet there is always such a huge focus on the worst case. I remember this vividly from Sebastian's birth. One number on the labs would be out of whack, and they are already trying to figure out, what the cause is and how to treat it. I remember when they gave us the option of having Sebastian that day, it was not a very pretty picture that they painted. If we chose to continue the pregnancy, our child would die, but if we chose to have the child, the chances of him surviving were slim, and if he did survive, the chances of him having major issues in life were huge. To date, he's two. And, aside from his sucky immune system, which will slowly improve, he is not really showing any signs of significant problems. This is much different than what they told us. Now, I know they have to prepare you for the worst, but why is it, when you are being told of the worst, it's almost all you can think about? 

I will try to be positive and not worry, but it's virtually impossible to do. I find it so tough that there is nothing I can do to change what's happening and that all I can do, is sit, wait and hope for the best. It's tough when things are out of your control.

Books paint this beautiful picture of what it is like to be pregnant. Reality, however, is not as simple as these books make it out to be. It's like you aren't allowed to talk about the tough parts of pregnancy. You should just gloss it over and act like everything is fine. After all, we don't want to scare the ones coming along after us. But everything is not always fine. Why is it though, that nobody really shares the scary parts. I certainly can't forget them and if someone else is going through a similar situation, would gladly offer a shoulder to lean on (or let's face it, cry on), since it's something that nobody tells you about ahead of time!!

Oh well, I will stop now. I don't want to be all doom and gloom. There is still a great possibility that no real issue will present itself, but in the meantime, I will work to be positive and concentrate on that likelihood, rather than focussing on what might happen. It just makes it hard to enjoy being pregnant!! I guess I'll just put on a cute pregnancy top and make like everything is fine. Grrrr!!

1 comment:

Katrina said...

Oh, I am so sorry to hear this. :( What do they think is wrong? I will keep your new little one in my prayers.