Solution based questioning...

I am in the middle of a hostage negotiation conference right now and I am just loving it. Truly. I have learned so much in the last two days, and still have another entire day to learn yet. It is fantastic. We've been going through some speakers doing case studies on various types of negotiations and it's so interesting. But also, there are some speakers there to offer more skills for your tool box. 

Today for example, the life coach was all about Solution Based Negotiating. It was amazing. How to turn the most negative things into opportunities for reflection and hope. It's a total shift in how to think about things and an amazing way to develop a relationship with someone in crisis. Yet, as the session progressed, it seemed to me, this is truly a skill that should be used in every day life, and not just in crisis. A shift in perspective. Taking an otherwise negative statement and finding a way to get something out of it. For example, if someone tells you their life is screwed up, rather than saying "wow, so I see you aren't happy with your life, that is too bad", you could try something like this "you are telling me that you aren't happy with your life, which makes it clear to me you'd like things to be different". Doesn't that sound so much more engaging? Okay, maybe I'm not quite getting the message across the way the speaker did, but it's sort of like that anyhow. What a huge difference it could make to how people address things. I'm going to work on this in my personal life I think!!